Page 24 of Wild About You

‘Not me,’ said Fi, hands in the air.

I stared at the geometric pattern on the antique carpet. Took a breath. Yes, this was definitely a stately home, the air infused with the slight smell of drains. ‘Just save it, Tally,’ I said. ‘You’re not the only person who can lose their temper.’

‘Anna, threats are not professional.’

‘Neither is repeating village gossip, but I notice that’s not stopping you.’

Primly, she reapplied her scarlet lipstick. ‘I’m just trying to help,’ she said, completely recovered now she had riled me.

I got up from my desk and threw my jacket on. ‘Tryharder,’ I snapped. ‘And while you’re at it, if you could stop talking to me like I’m a piece of dirt on your shoe, I’d appreciate it.’ I walked out and slammed the door.

Once I’d found a space on the carriage drive that wasn’t directly viewable from the office, I paced backwards and forwards to get some of my nervous tension out. I hated,reallyhated, arguing with people. In the past I’d been so conflict-avoidant it had worked against me. But having my heart broken seemed to be shifting something in me; it had been weirdly easy to bite back at Tally. Maybe, I thought, it was easier to be nasty because I now had an immense reservoir of anger and bitterness to draw upon.

Great.

As I breathed the clean air, I started to feel better, even if the knot remained in my stomach. And as I stood there, watching a family take a picture of the exterior of Stonemore, I noticed it was lighter than it had been at the same time yesterday. The prevailing colour of the sky was still grey, but there was a very slight softening of the air.

The family finished taking pictures and glanced at me, smilingly curious as they passed. I smiled in return. At least I looked the part in my country outfit: cable knit sweater, jeans, boots, waxed jacket. Today I’d managed to brush my hair, spray on some perfume (a lovely one, which claimed to contain ‘essence of jasmine’) and (hooray!) apply lipstick. Who knows, I thought, tomorrow I might actually reapply it at some point during the day. Goals, Anna, goals. I’d drawnthe word in swirly writing in my journal, having started a fresh page that week, and I’d be adding to it this evening.

GOALS:

Lipstick every day.

Learn to say no without going OTT and being mean.

Breathe through thoughts of inferiority.

When I caught sight of Jamie, striding out of the house and across the drive towards the deer park, Hugo alongside him, I made a split-second decision to build bridges.

‘Afternoon!’ I called to him. He heard me – I swear he heard me. But he didn’t acknowledge me. When Hugo turned his head, Jamie twitched his lead and carried on.

‘Jamie!’ I called. When he ignored me again, I thoughtoh come on. ThenI’m not having that. Even though another, perfectly sensible, voice was in my head telling me to leave it, I found myself sprinting towards his retreating back.

He didn’t turn. Not until I put my hand on his shoulder. He flinched, turned, and the look of irritation on his face made me step back.

‘Anna,’ he said. ‘What do you want?’

I froze as I looked into his face. Why did he look so angry?

‘Sorry for disturbing you,’ I said. I felt small, reduced. All that toughness I’d been nurturing? Gone in an instant. I looked down at Hugo, instinctively going to stroke him, but Jamie kept the little dog on a short lead.

‘If it’s to do with work, feed everything through Callum,’ he said sharply.

‘It wasn’t to do with work,’ I said. ‘I just wanted to say hello, you know, be polite. Say thank you for coming along last night.’

‘Really?’ The frown was sardonic as well as hurtful. ‘Seemed to me like you couldn’t have cared less whether I was there or not. And I didn’t hear anything new – wildflower meadows. More of the same. I guess I’ll have to wait for some of your original thinking. Tick tock.’

I felt something snap in me. ‘Why do you have to be sorude?’ I cried. ‘They asked me to talk about wildflowers. Do you think they care about land management, or drainage, or reintroducing species into the landscape? You might, but they don’t. And Icouldtalk to you about all of that, but you don’t even want to speak to me!’

He was staring at me, lips parted, but his expression was impenetrable.

‘Forget it,’ I said. I was already walking away when I heard him call my name.

Technically, he’s still my boss, I thought.Technically, I’m on his time. I stopped and turned around.

‘Hang on,’ he said, striding towards me, Hugo trotting alongside him.

‘It’s fine, let’s just leave it.’

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