Page 14 of Wild About You

‘Anna?’ It was Fi. ‘Are you alright?’

I opened the cubicle and peered out. ‘Sean texted me.’ I made an emoticon-style sad face. It was better than speaking properly. Admitting how sad I actually was.

‘Oh, love.’ She looked stricken. ‘Saying what?’

‘Nothing really. I’m fine.’ I came out, and looked atmyself in the mirror. My eyes were glistening with all the tears I couldn’t bring myself to cry. Despite my journalling, it looked like I was still sticking with the rigid approach. ‘Stiff upper lip and all that.’ I splashed cold water on my face. This place was a waste of make-up, anyway.

I went back to my desk to find a large package sitting in the middle of it, my belongings fanned out around it as though it had been dropped from a great height.

‘There’s been a delivery for you,’ said Tally, swishing past.

‘You don’t say,’ I said, fishing my scissors out of the desk drawer and beginning my battle with layers of packaging. Five minutes of hacking later, my waxed jacket was revealed in all of its olive-green glory.

‘Go on, put it on!’ squeaked Fi, clapping her hands. I raced down the hall to the loo. No way was Tally getting a look at ‘country’ me until I’d prepared myself.

I cautiously put the jacket on, wondering if it might transform me in some way – make me more at home in this manor house. I’d sized up because of my outsized hips, but the most important thing was I had to be able to do the coat up, so I was ready forall weathers. This had worked, but the sleeves were a bit too long and it looked baggy rather than sleek, as though I was hiding something. It seemed I had bought a coat which would encompass both my massive bitterness as well as my arse.

‘Crikey.’ Fi had arrived on the scene. ‘You could fit two of you in there.’

‘It’s okay though, right?’ I said. ‘I can work the outsized look? I can’t be bothered to send it back.’

‘Plus you tore the packaging apart like a crazed orangutan,’ she murmured. ‘It would take an entire roll of tape to put it back together.’ She tilted her head. ‘You look cute, actually.’

I marched back into the office and did a twirl for Tally, who frowned and said ‘Did you mean to buy a marquee?’ Cue return to silence.

Callum gave me the keys to the Land Rover and quietly took me through the route I should take to the upper reaches, advising me to pick up one of the estate long-range walkie talkies on the way out. He’d already told me the route the day before, but I could tell he sensed my nerves. When he finished, I looked at him in a way that I hoped conveyed utter confidence but the slight frown on his face told me otherwise.

‘It’s all fine,’ I said, in a voice I’d aimed to come across as cheerful, but which sounded brittle.

‘You won’t need it, but there’s an emergency kit in the back of the Rover,’ he said. ‘And the car’s got a tracker on it.’

‘A tracker?’ I said. ‘Do you, er, lose people very often?’

‘You’ll be fine. Look, I can come with you if you’re at all uncertain. I’ve got stuff to do, but—’

‘It’s fine. Thanks.’

He smiled, that slow, easy smile which had persuaded me at my interview that we would be friends. ‘Great. And Anna?’

I turned back. ‘Yes?’

‘I like the coat.’

Finally, a man who had something complimentary to say.

The temperature had dropped outside and the last of the tourists were meandering towards their cars and coaches. The house closed at 3pm in winter, so there was more than an hour to go, but the weather was putting people off. Icy blobs dissolved on impact with my face.

I had to tough it out. I tried one of the breathing exercises I’d memorised when I was trying to meditate Sean’s face out of my mind. In for three, hold for three, out for three.

I got into the Land Rover. It smelt reassuringly of leather and fresh air, greenery and soil – the smell I’d already come to associate with Stonemore. As I put the key in the ignition, I could feel my own heartbeat, pounding with anticipation and fear. In for three, hold for three.

Then I glanced up at the house. Jamie was standing at the window of his flat, looking down on me. Even from a distance I could see the smirk on his face.

That did it. I released my held breath with a puff of indignation. With a flourish of annoyance, I turned the key, balanced the clutch, and roared out of the drive like a teenager heading out to do handbrake turns on a Friday night.

I’m not going to deny it, I was pretty damn terrified, but also exhilarated, as I drove up the pale gravel track in the direction of the upper reaches. Away from the controlled splendour of the house and deer park, the wintry landscapefelt more unforgiving, the hills dark browny-green against dense white and grey clouds, the wind buffeting the car in gusts as I drove. One of the tracks through the edge of a wooded area took me past uprooted and broken trees from a recent storm, the clouds lying dense against the higher peaks of hills in the distance, splodges of icy water against my windscreen.

As I got higher and higher, the weather started to worsen.

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