Page 65 of Knot Their Opening Act

Me, that I didn’t think I could ever speak to crowds and fans if we ever truly got more than a handful, because of a childhood stutter I now hide extremely well. I hide it so well that even Nico and Holden have never said a word, and I’ve never spoken to them about it. Even Kai was surprised when I told him. It only really comes out if I’m incredibly tired, or emotional. But most people miss it. Still, I have this lingering fear one day it will come out in a televised interview or something on social media.

And then what? That the world will know the truth about me? So fucking what?

But we all have our hang-ups.

And that night on the train, Kai’s was that he’d scented his match, who then of course must be our match. We would all fall for her, if we knew. And he slurred it in a way I was sure he was either exaggerating or would never remember:I can’t tell you who she is or where I met her. But I can say that we can’t have her, even though she smelled like the gateway to heaven and I wanted to stay there. So I pushed her away.

It made no sense to me then. But we were both fucking pissed off our feet. When I recalled the conversation a full two days later, I parked it. If he’d scented her, then he wasn’t on suppressants, but honestly I’d thought he was kite-high and just blowing a story out of proportion to help me deal with my own vulnerability.

This is why it’s hard being a psychology graduate in a band that’s also a pack. Overanalyzing, but then never feeling like I can accept a simple truth or explanation.

“I think—” Holden starts, then stops. “I think what matters here is that you’ve told us.”

“And I’m so sorry. To each one of you. And to us as a pack. I am so, so sorry. I will never get over all the trouble it’s caused us now. And what it’s cost and caused her.” The tone of his voice is low, deep, gruff, grumbly. And a little broken.

Nico’s voice is firm, but quiet. “Dude, you’ve told us now. Now we know. Now we can take steps, make decisions, as apack. Maybe in a way we haven’t been ever before.”

We stand around, each to his thoughts. And then she opens the door.

Her blue hair hangs down in her face. Along with tartan pajama bottoms, she’s wearing a Fable tour t-shirt, which is most surprising to me—until I notice her eyes are red-rimmed and her face pale.

And I know. She’s heard at least part of this. And maybe that’s what Kai wanted.

CHAPTER29

Holden

“I—Ineed to get to my appointment in Knightsbridge,” Jez mumbles. “Is it okay if I have a shower?”

“Of course,” I say. “Take your time. We’re probably going back to sleep for a bit.”

Jez nods. “Don’t mind me.” Tucked beneath her arm is a wad of clothes and one hand clutches the handle of a toiletry case. She slips into the bathroom and immediately the shower switches on. We all exchange looks and I don’t know about the rest, but I’ve got a definite layer of sweat on my forehead.

This shit isreal.

* * *

After another two hours’ sleep at least, we all get up and Jez is long gone. We meet up with Ash, Murray, Ry, and Steve, and find an American-style diner for breakfast. Everyone’s got hats and caps on, and Kai is wearing sunglasses because he’s afraid of a migraine in the sunlight with his lack of sleep.

“You still sound like garbage, Hartley,” notes Ash. “I want you on the steam and the lozenges all the rest of the day until soundcheck.”

“And if you touch any alcohol today I swear to God I will dismantle you,” says Steve brightly, tapping at always on this tablet, barely noticing that his left hand’s lifting his orange juice to his lips.

By the time we’ve all finished our absolutely ginormous plates of flapjacks, maple syrup, bacon strips, and a pile of avocado on toast for me, Ash pulls us aside while Steve goes to pay.

“Jez has finished at the doctor’s and is getting her meds. She said you guys had a chat and it’s out in the open now. All of it.” He lowers his head and gazes directly at Kai, who nods.

“That’s right,” Kai says.

We just didn’t have the chat withher.

“Good. Tonight is your biggest show so far. Go get more rest if you need it, especially you, Kai. Have you discussed what you—you all might do?”

I can tell he’s thinking about Arcadia Echo. They’re on a tour break right now, which is how he’s able to be here. They scented their Omega, Briella, who was also their photographer before they got famous. And apparently it was a rough road at first because they considered her largely just a starry-eyed fan. Well, all except Grayson Cove, their lead singer, who’d been in love with her for years. So Ash has been around some situations.

I wonder if ours is harder to watch.

“We’ll speak with her tonight,” says Kai confidently.

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