Page 63 of Knot Their Opening Act

A pause.

“I wish it could always be like that.”

Damn.

I rub my tired eyes and feel the need for a second shower tonight. But I know I must say something.

“I’m actually three antelope in a trench coat.”

“I figured,” she says, with a grinning emoji.

“Real life matters too, though. I come here to unwind, and use it as inspiration for how to get through the demands of the day sometimes.”

“I do too. Does it work for you?” she asks.

“Sometimes. Not always. Today was a tough day for me as well. But I look forward to any time I can just be myself without question, too. So thank you as well.”

“Four guinea pigs in a onesie,” she replies.

I laugh, though I long to say,Don’t you know it’s me? There’s more to Azalaun than this. And more to Thomas than Azalaun.

There’s even more to Kai than you know. And that’s the point.

* * *

The overnight drive down to London takes longer than anticipated due to “significant roadworks,” according to our bus driver. Usually the upside to traveling via tour bus at night is missing out on a lot of traffic. We didn’t actually pull away until after I went to bed, around 2:30, so I missed what the problems might’ve been. And anyway, I for one take the opportunity to never check in on a maps app when being driven to gigs because that stress isnotpart of my pay check. Or maybe more correctly put, the stress I see my band mates face is a choice, and I choose not to go there.

Currently the bus is at a standstill on the M1, somewhere in the Midlands I reckon. It’s around 5 a.m. and I’ve woken up twice. I roll back over to face the wall, with Holden snoring like a wild boar above me. I’m grateful tonight’s a slightly later sound check, with Jez on at 3:45 and us at 4:30. We check into a hotel for tonight and tomorrow’s London shows, but honestly I’ll probably sleep on the bus right up until then.

At least, that’s what I think, until about 8 a.m. when we finally pull into the hotel car park and the bus shudders to a stop.

“All right there, Thomas?”

Holden’s feet are literally in my face. If I stuck out my tongue it would brush the back of his heel. For a flicker of a moment I consider doing so and freaking him the fuck out. That’s what he’d get for climbing down right by my pillow.

“Yeah, awake now with those rank things by my nose, you absolute anus. Any chance you can shift along?”

“Oh, right, sorry. You don’t like this?” Holden starts swinging his legs back and forth so his left foot nearly smacks me in the face. But my arm snakes out and grabs his ankle and yanks on it, hard. He slides out of the bunk and lands on the floor with a huge crash.

Kai flies up in his bunk with a, “Not today, great, thanks!” and then slowly lowers his head.

“Having a nightmare?” Holden asks him.

Kai rubs his head and gives a groan. “Wish I was. At least then I’d still be asleep. Fuck, what time is it?”

“Just after 8,” comes Nico’s voice from above Kai.

“Best get a move on. Better to give her privacy for when she wants the toilet, eh?” says Holden, grabbing his rucksack and stomping into the bathroom. The sound of the shower comes on and Holden starts singing. The song sounds familiar but I can’t place it.

“Why’s he got to do that?” asks Kai, sitting with his legs off the bed, jabbing a tattooed finger at the bathroom.

I shrug, and Nico replies from his bunk, “Man takes two showers a day, if not more.”

Our last tour was our first with an actual shower on the bus. This bus is an upgrade even from that one, though less room to chill since it has the back bedroom, which we’ve never had before. And Holden is the only one who insists on a shower the second he wakes up. I would in a hotel room, but on a bus I truly can’t be arsed with that. I reckon Holden has some slight germaphobia, but I’ve never said this aloud.

Once he’s out and we’re all dressed, Holden and Nico cram into the booth with their protein shakes, I sit on a barstool at the end of the narrow kitchenette area, and Kai leans against the wall, arms crossed, looking a bit rough.

“You feeling okay?” I ask him. He pinches the bridge of his nose then cracks his jaw in the process of wiggling it back and forth.

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