Page 21 of Knot Their Opening Act

“I chose you because I see your talent, and I see the way you can charm a crowd with your voice and your presence, Jesamine. But if we don’t find a way to get these things under control, it will be make things—trickier.”

He could replace me. That’s what he means. He’dhaveto, whether he wants to or not. And it sounds like he doesn’t want to. But he’s running a business, first and foremost. And this I understand.

“It’s not just about you, but the others in your band, too,” he says.

I nod. “I know. This isn’t a charity you’re running. I’ve got to pull my weight, and pull it together.” I try not to lose control of my quivering insides but I haven’t been in heat since my first one at fifteen, so this is pretty well new to me. The nausea is back, but at least the room isn’t shrinking. Ash and Caylee’s presence is a help, for now.

“I don’t want to let them down. Shay, Ry, Gareth, Murray.” I nod to show I understand, but true fear that I could be my own worst enemy—that Kai really was right three years ago to bar me from entering an industry that could chew me up and spit me out—threatens to drown me.

“They’re touring musicians, Jez,” Caylee murmurs. “They can play for anyone. You don’t need to spend your energy worrying about anyone else on this tour.”

“That’s right,” says Ash. “Focus on yourself.”

I have no trouble reading between the lines of compassion:You’re the only one who stands to lose here. Everyone else has a job if you’re gone. You’re the expendable one.

I thought I had gotten it together, but today proves me so wrong. I thought I’d been brave, facing this tour, this show especially, without my best friend and manager by my side. The one who’d managed my life down to the smallest details and enabled me to just write, just play, for seven long years.

I feel more alone than ever. Everyone else may suffer temporarily if I have to quit, but I’ll suffer for the rest of my life.

CHAPTER12

Thomas

Our luxury minibuspulls up outside the Edinburgh Hotel and pedestrians stand back as the doors open. This hotel’s well known for housing touring acts, celebrities, and politicians, so undoubtedly locals are used to getting eyefuls.

A few murmurs travel around the sidewalk but security stands by. The other guys and I hurry in through the hotel door held open by a staff member dressed impeccably in a long maroon jacket and matching hat. Much better dressed than any of us, in our ripped jeans, wrinkled t-shirts, and rumpled boots. I’ve got Converse on that I’ve owned since I was nineteen. To be fair, I don’t wear them often, which was exactly why I thought they deserved to come on this tour.

We crowd together in the lobby while Ash and the tour manager speak to reception. Usually we have our rooms and keys before we even step in the door but there apparently have been a lot of conventions and groups in town this week and hotels are scrambling to accommodate everyone’s particular requests.

“I say we get brunch at that place Murray mentioned. My stomach’s about to digest itself,” Kai says. Murray, Jez’s drummer, is from Edinburgh. He and the rest of her band are off meeting his family for brunch, but he mentioned somewhere we could get excellent haggis.

I’ve never been a big haggis fan but I’ll eat anything, and while in Rome—plus black pudding is delicious so if I can get both, I’ll be set for the day. I nod.

Nico shoves his hands in his pockets while Holden blows on his. “Fuckin’ freezing here, innit?” says Nico.

Whenever Nico tries out some English lexicon, the forced feeling makes my insides chuckle. To be fair, man’s got balls. You wouldn’t catch me in Italy trying to say, “Capiche?” Though we discussed this once and Nico explained that’s not even real Italian, so yeah, I’d make a real jackass out of myself.

“So we get our stuff up to our rooms and then freshen up and head out?” says Holden.

“Freshen up? What are we, wilting flowers?” Kai says.

As they argue about howfreshwe need to be, post hangover after last night’s festivities, out of the corner of my eye I spy Jez run into the lobby toward Ash. Her eyes widen and she turns, running back outside like a blur of blue hair and purple jumper. Must’ve forgotten something.

I hitch my backpack higher up, looking around at all the benches and sofas stuffed with guests, coats on and coffees in hand. My stomach grumbles painfully loud.

“All right there, Thomas?” says Nico. “Sounds like something’s about to escape.”

“Starving,” I say, while Kai’s flicking through something on his phone.

“I’ll get them to give us a lift over to this place. Sounds like it’s too far to walk,” he says.

Meanwhile, Jesamine runs back in, phone gripped in her hand which is pink from the cold. Ash saunters over to us and hands us all key cards. “You three are on floor five, which is that lift over there.” He points to a set of lifts down a carpeted corridor over his right shoulder. “And you, Mr Ashcroft, are on the sixth floor, and floors 6-12 use the lifts on theotherside of reception. Don’t get lost.”

“Good, I don’t want to be anywhere near him,” says Holden good-naturedly. Kai snorts.

“No! We have to all stay together! I can’t sleep without you beautiful beings on the other side of the wall from me!” moans Nico in mock-despair.

“All right. Half an hour then back down here and we’ll grab the car to the restaurant. See you later, loner,” Kai says to me. I nod, do a fake salute, and head over to the lifts for my floor as Ash impatiently notes that sound check is at 1 so we can’t take all damn day stuffing our faces.

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