Page 4 of Knot Their Opening Act

“Haha, that’s absolutely hilarious.” I make a gagging sound. She knows I don’t want a pack. At least, not at this point in my life, though I can’t imagineeverwanting that. She says it’s because I’ve been on suppressants since my first heat at sixteen; I say it’s because I am a self-aware control freak and being in any kind of romantic relationship seems so dangerous to me. How do you ever trust the other side to be loyal and unconditional once you’ve shown your true self? My brain can’t comprehend wanting to give the reins of myself over to someone else.

We enter the building that Knightley Entertainment took over three years ago, a stately home-turned complex, complete with gorgeously-tended flower gardens that are multihued and beautiful even now, at the start of autumn. We walk up the dahlia- and hydrangea-lined path and the receptionist buzzes Ash to say we’ve arrived.

“Third floor. The lift’s currently being serviced I’m afraid—are you okay with stairs?” She eyes Viv’s protruding belly. Despite her professed concerns about losing bodily autonomy, Viv has shown no signs of slowing down physically, which to me is pure witchcraft.

“Not at all!” Viv says brightly. She links her elbow with mine but I narrow my eyes at her.

“Viv, you are not walking me up there if you don’t have to. C’mon. You’re cookingthreein here.” I eye a comfy seat in the lounge area and thrust my arm and finger out. “Go. Stay.”

“Girl, shut up, let’s go. You’re going to be late and that’s not the impression you want to make.”

A few minutes later we’ve ascended more steps than I think is good for Viv. But once we’re outside the door with Ash’s name engraved in a gold-plated plaque, I’m grateful she’s here. We stop, we look, and we listen.

“She’s been making waves as a singer-songwriter all on her own, with one—one—friend helping her, playing the role of manager as far as she can take her. And if I gave either of you an option, you’d be choosing from a narrower viewpoint. I’m watching over all the industry. You know that. You’ve got to trust me by now.”

It’s Ash’s voice. I goggle at Viv but she’s calm as can be, nodding along. I move toward the door but she throws her hand up, then gestures at her watch. Okay, we’re two minutes early.

A man’s voice replies. “We do trust you, or we wouldn’t be here. You know that, Ash. But I’ve already told you how this is going to go and you?—”

“Because you’ve made that decision. Not because you’ve waited to see what organically happens.”

“I don’t like organic food. Means they’ve not picked out all the bugs yet,” comes an Australian accent.

Something quivers in my gut.

“Thought you were used to eating weird shit like that,” says yet another man’s voice. I strain my ears to hear the fifth person in the room but it’s such a mumbly voice.

“Whatever. You guys don’t have a choice in this, and you’ve signed your lives over to my direction,” says Ash with a grin in his tone. Someone groans. “I’m kidding, but you’ve gotta know I’m thinking far ahead. I don’t do rash. Each of your three tours has gone better than the last, correct? And far better than the ones you did before you knocked on my door?”

No reply but I expect there’s some nodding. Or maybe rude gestures.

Viv nods at me and as I put my hand to the door to knock, it slowly swings open like it was never pulled all the way shut to begin with.

Viv and I stand and stare into the room at Ash seated behind a large mahogany desk, with two sofas facing each other in front, overflowing with four male bodies.

My eyes whiz from one face to another then back to Ash before my gut—which knew who the band was before my brain—decides to heave up my coffee.

A chasm of fire andWhat The Fuckopens inside me.

“The woman of the hour!” says Ash, arms extended as he stands and walks around the desk. Before I know it, he’s leading me by the hand into an arm chair not visible from the open door, but facing the rest of the room. There’s one on the opposite side, which he walks Viv over to. She curtsies at the room at large but my saucer-eyes don’t leave hers and try their best to have a full-on conversation. She’s smiling so hard her jaw looks about to shatter. I replay what she said to me this morning when we boarded the train:

These are kind of desperate times, Jez. I know I’ve slowed down with work because of the sickness and low energy. I’ve only got three tiny shows lined up for us in the next two months and then Christmas becomes a black hole. You need this. I will not let my personal life cause any skips or stumbles in your career. This has come at the most perfect time.

And my reply:

But I don’t get a choice. I don’t get any say in this. It’s an offer, but an unknown.I am not a fan of unknowns, and Viv knows it.

She’d only smiled warmly, her dimples and green eyes softening the blow.Your choice was to say yes or no to this offer. You said yes, so that’s your choice taken. Not that I need to remind you, but you need to level up, and even if I wasn’t in this condition, I wouldn’t be able to get you much further. Your talent is beyond me, girl. It’s in the stars, and I’m firmly planted in Bristol.

Yes. Working with Ash will be a dream come true. Touring for four months—seeing the world, meeting fans, expanding my reach. All a dream come true. It lessens my anxiety. But my frustration only grows.

Why, oh hell why THIS band, of all bands. But it’s now clear why he kept their identity under wraps. He needed to make sure they’d accept me first.

For a stupid hot second I imagined it might be Arcadia Echo, that their opener for their winter/spring tour had pulled out. Or even Glowsail, who I know is also repped by Ash’s company. I mean, I tend not to care who manages artists I can’t fucking stand, so I’d had no earthly idea that Fable on Fire was managed by Knightley Entertainment these days.

And yet, here we are. Me, and the band who had me disqualified from theTen to Onetelevised talent contest three years ago to this month. Who made it so that for an entire nine months to follow, I couldn’t get a single gig off the press package and my demo. Who forced me to write and record a new album in three months to distance myself from the me I was prior to theTen to Onedebacle where Fable on Fire rejected me.

Why in the holy fuck would Ash think their crowd would stand to see me? Why does he think any of my fans who might attend would be comfortable being surrounded bytheirfans?

---