Page 29 of Finders Keepers

I lean in closer, making out the distinct crayon figures, there’s something endearing about how she’s given each animal a big smile. “Those are beautiful, Sophie. I love all the colors you used.”

“Tommy told me his puppy at his house is brown so I drawed mine brown too.” She adds another swoosh of brown crayon to what I assume is the dog’s tail. “And the kitty is orange like Ms. Lucy’s kitty that sits in front of her house.”

“You’re very observant.” I watch as she switches to a green crayon, adding grass beneath the animals’ feet.

She pauses, twirling the crayon between her small fingers. “Mama?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Do you think…” She blinks up at me. “Do you think Mr. Gavin would like my drawing? Since he helps animals?”

My heart swells at her thoughtfulness. “That’s very sweet of you to think of him. It’s your drawing though, sweetie. You can keep it or give it to whoever you’d like.”

“But what if he doesn’t like it?” Her voice gets smaller, and I recognize the familiar thread of anxiety that mirrors my own.

“Hey.” I reach across the table and gently touch her hand. “Anyone would be lucky to receive such a beautiful drawing, especially one made with so much care. But remember, you don’t have to decide right now. You can wait and see how you feel when we get there.”

She nods, seeming to consider this as she returns to her drawing, adding more details with renewed determination. “I think I want to give it to him,” she declares after a moment. “Because he makes the animals feel better when they’re sick, just like in my drawing with my bird with her hurt wing.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you, Sophie.” I check my watch again, forty-five minutes until Ms. Lucy picks us up. My stomach does a little flip, but I push down the nervous energy. “Why don’t you tell me more about the animals in your picture while we wait?”

“Okay,” she begins. “The horse is brown too like Buttercup. And the bird, see her wing right there? It’s blue because blue is a happy color, and it’s gonna feel better soon.”

I listen as she weaves stories about each animal, amazed at how her imagination works. The puppy apparently loves to play fetch with his red ball. Represented by a small red circle in the corner, and the orange cat likes to chase butterflies. Shown as tiny purple dots floating above.

“And look, Mama!” She points to what appears to be a rainbow arching over all the animals. “I put a rainbow because Ms. Lucy says rainbows come after rainstorms, and they make everything prettier.”

My throat tightens at her words, thinking about our own storm we’ve left behind. “Ms. Lucy is very smart, isn’t she?”

“Uh-huh.” Sophie adds a few more colorful strokes to her rainbow. “And she makes the best cookies too.”

I can’t help but laugh at that. “She certainly does.”

I return to my planner while Sophie continues drawing, adding more colorful details to her drawing. The pages of my planner stare back at me, both comforting in their structure and overwhelming in what they represent, our new life.

I flip to a fresh page and write “TO DO” at the top in bold letters, underlining it twice.

1. Enroll Sophie in Kindergarten

2. Contact lawyer about custody/divorce options

3. Get Texas driver’s license

4. Transfer car registration

My pen hovers over the paper as I consider what else needs to be done. So many pieces to put into place. I add:

5. Set up doctor appointments for Sophie and me

6. Find a therapist?

I put a question mark next to the last item. Contemplating speaking with a professional again stirs up feelings of remorse and embarrassment inside me. Matt tore into me when he discovered I was attending sessions with my therapist, but he doesn’t get a say anymore.

7. Open new bank account

The list grows longer, each item representing another step away from our old life and toward something new. Something safer. I glance at Sophie, still concentrating on her drawing.

8.Check library for story time programs

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