She wasn’t going to be allowed to stay blissfully ignorant about who replaced her. Before she could stop herself, she imagined the first informal shots of Elliot and Ines surfacing, their hands clasped again over an outdoor table or arms linked on a sidewalk, their ease and casual clothes declaring not date, butbreakfast out afternight spent together. Edie would feel differently about her entire time with Elliot, knowing she was an aberration before common sense returned, and that common sense was waiting in the wings the whole time, Edie to become a historical footnote.
The DJ announced the first dance, and guests flocked to see Fraser and Molly waltzing on the black and white vinyl tiled dance floor, book ended by potted palms.
After a few bars of Arctic Monkeys’ ‘I Wanna Be Yours’, Fraser was gesticulating at Elliot over Molly’s shoulder and then at other key personnel, indicating,don’t leave us out here.
Elliot put his drink down, made his way over. Edie was perturbed to notice a failed attempt to intercept him by apretty cousin of Molly’s. She looked in puzzlement at Edie, and obviously didn’t realise Elliot was here with anyone. They had been orbiting satellites enough tonight to present as single.
‘Will you dance with me?’ Elliot said, polite but unsmiling, extending a hand.
If it hadn’t been for the sake of others, all things considered, Edie would’ve said no.Not because youhaveto ask me.She let herself be led onto the floor and swung into his embrace, his arm round her waist, holding hands.
It should’ve felt good to Edie, despite everything. In fact, it was terrible: their carefully avoiding eye contact again, the tension in his body, like he was enduring it, counting down to being released from the charade.
The refrainI wanna be yours / I wanna be youuuuursswirled heavily around them, a plea and a taunt, a whirlpool sucking Edie down into the ground below, like the film score credits roll for their relationship.
Despite knowing it was a very bad idea, Edie leaned up and said, into his ear: ‘Is there someone else?’
‘What?’ Elliot said, pulling back to look at her, possibly as much in surprise at her timing as the question itself. ‘Of course not. Like who?’
Edie shrugged. ‘Ines?’ she whispered. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Er, no. I don’t cheat.’
‘Neither do I.’
‘Don’t do this now,’ Elliot said, speaking into her ear, his head right by hers, looking as if it was a sweet nothing. ‘Stop. Please.’
He wouldn’t meet her eye again. Edie had succeeded inputting an end to one worry and swapping it for comprehensively toxifying this moment, alienating him further.
As the song finished and she had to let him go, possibly forever, something in Edie snapped. She wasn’t going to let this to happen; she wasn’t going to simply wait.
Edie put her hand into Elliot’s and grasped it firmly, saying: ‘I need to talk to you.’
If he objected, she’d decided she’d make it clear that, in that case, she’d do it right here, but he let her lead him through the crowd. She moved at a clip that implied they were heading somewhere in particular and didn’t want interrupting. If someone tried, she might snarl. She craned her neck to locate a gap of purple-blue night sky in the wall of the tent, an escape hatch.
They emerged, suddenly alone, which felt more alone than Edie expected. She trailed him across the darkened lawn, stopping by a large oak tree with a whimsical wooden swing dangling from its branches.
Edie looked back, making sure there was enough distance from the light and hubbub of the marquee that they’d see anyone approaching.
She faced him. Elliot was slightly party worn, hair tousled, skin in a light sweat and dark eyes sparkling with drink. His expression wasn’t intrigued or even friendly: it was somewhere between sceptical and reluctant. He’d never looked better, and it wasn’t helpful.
‘I need you to be totally straight with me, even if it’s crushing,’ Edie said, knowing that whatever the outcome, she’d remember this conversation for the rest of her life.
58
‘… No matter how upsetting it is, say it. It’ll still be better than trying to decode each other, because I feel like we were speaking in different languages earlier,’ Edie said.
It was a starless, blowy night and was cold away from the patio heaters. Something about the vast canopy of sky in the countryside made Edie feel the size of the moment more acutely. What a strange set of unlikely chances had thrown her and Elliot together. What a strangely fitting way for it to finish. She was fated to have tonally inappropriate conversations in gardens at weddings.
‘“I don’t want you to move in with me” feels like a terminal statement. If you’re saying we’re over, say so now. I’ll go back in there, hold a smile, and leave early tomorrow, no scenes. I owe Fraser, Molly, and your parents that. I can’t spend any longer wondering if that’s how tonight ends. At a celebration of love, it’s like being tortured before execution.’
There was a heavy silence, and Edie knew ano, don’t be silly, we had a spat, it’s not overwould’ve come immediately.Don’t cry.There would be time for that later. She had the rest of her life available.
Elliot cleared his throat. ‘You offered to move because I’d found out about Declan’s advances. Even if I could see a way it’d work, I’m hardly going to say yes in those circumstances.’ He glanced back, to confirm for himself that they couldn’t be heard. ‘I said I didn’t want to be right twice. My second prediction is that you’re falling in love with him.’
Edie’s eyes widened, and her mouth flew open.
Elliot shook his head. ‘I know, I know, you deny it.But I know you really well, Edie. We understand each other like nobody else does, it’s why we’ve …’ He had to pause as he choked up a bit. ‘… Meant so much to each other.’