Page 46 of You Belong With Me

‘No, a compliment. When so many people want you, rejection must hit all the harder as unusual.’

‘Hmm. You know, when you were asking me things for the book, and I said fame was, to my surprise, not a fix for a lot of things you subconsciously assume it will be? That’s one of them.’

‘What is?’

‘Lots of people wanting you isn’t a cure for the one person you want not wanting you.’

‘If you mean me, luckily, I did, and I do. To a quite debilitating extent.’ Edie checked they were still speaking in relative isolation. ‘You can’t accept it was terror of failure, notnot wanting this enough, can you?’

‘I’m trying, but if I’m honest, not really.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because I was worried we’d crash and burn, too, but it wasn’t nearly enough to outweigh the wanting.’

He shrugged his shoulders, smiled apologetically, and drank his drink.

Edie sensed this had gone slightly further than Elliot intended. Also, it was grossly unfair that he looked sensational when sulking.

His expression reminded her of his turn in a soft rock music video where he drove around the Mojave Desert being sexily furious a model had cheated on him, during which she implausibly needed to hitch a ride from him at an isolated gas station. Edie very much felt like the treacherous skank in denim hot pants having to plead for his passenger seat.

‘Maybe the ratio of wanting isn’t the differential. Maybe it’s the relative levels of worry. As in, you’re braver than me,’ Edie offered. She leaned over and kissed him on his silly mouth.

‘Do not exploit my attraction to you as a conflict resolution tool, please. It will work pathetically well,’ Elliot said, and Edie recognised it as return peacemaking.

‘The Void? Jesus? Tea leaves?’ Edie prompted. ‘Bashing fainthearted Edie was a detour?’

‘Oh yeah. Lillian’s decided someone’s leaking. I don’t know if you’ve seen any stories, but the unnamed source quotes have said I’m “disenchanted” with the role, and that I “didn’t get into this job to act to tennis balls dangling in front of green screens”.’

‘Isn’t that accurate?’

‘It’s entirely accurate – that’s the problem. The screen thing I don’t recall saying word for word, but it’s “disenchanted”. Lillian said, “That’s a you word.” Something I would say. Something Ihavesaid. Lillian said: “You have a distinctive way of phrasing things, and it leaped out at me.” Ergo, Lillian thinks whoever briefed theHollywood Reporterhas spoken directly with me. There have been a few similar things, and now she’s gone full Miss Marple.’

‘Shit.’

‘The only people I’m that candid with are you, my parents, Fraser, my two best mates back home, Al and Dan, and my musician friend, Cameron, who’s in L.A. and got his own concerns and no love of the muck rakers. If Al and Dan are talking to theHollywood Reporterafter the school run in West Bridgford, I’m Shirley Bassey. It’s genuinely comical to imagine it.’

Edie frowned. ‘Not a long list then? Could it be a third-party person, trusted by one of us?’

Elliot inclined his head towards the people nearby. ‘Who’s the new factor?’ he said very quietly.

‘Molly?’ Edie said in a hoarse whisper.

‘It’s crossed my mind. No way am I blowing up my relationship with my brother, or his girlfriend, by insinuating it. That’s a pickle, huh.’

‘Is Lillian pushing you to speak to Fraser?’

‘Uhm …’ Elliot looked uncomfortable, and Edie couldn’t figure out why. ‘Lillian said it didn’t start on the Molly timeline. It began around the time we began seeing each other again. I responded with considerable vigour to that suggestion, obviously.’

‘Fucking hell, what? You don’t think …?’

‘Woah woah,Idon’t think it, nor did I tolerate it being speculated.’ Elliot grabbed for her free hand across the table. ‘There’s no world, no alt verse, in which you’d sell stories on me. I said to Lillian: “I don’t think Edie is incapable of this because I’m in love with her; I’m in love with her because of who she is – which is a person who isn’t capable of such a thing. End of discussion.”’

‘Well. Thank you,’ Edie said, grateful for his loyalty but also stung and recalculating regards Lillian. She knew she’d not won her respect or affection by proxy, but treating Edie as a potential threat was something else.

In fact, now she thought about that Zoom meeting, it occurred to her that this was the underlying theme throughout: how might she do damage to Elliot, and how it might be mitigated.

‘Musician Cameron in L.A. …’ Edie said. ‘Not … Cameron McAllister?’

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