Page 60 of If I Never Met You

She laughed. Jamie shook his head.

‘You know, the whole romantic comedy staple of The One Who Comes Into Your Life Unexpectedly And Changes Everything. Setting aside that no one’s capable of that if you’re a grown adult who knows their own mind, why is that a good thing? I don’t want to be changed. I like myself as I am.’

‘That comes across,’ Laurie grinned and he rolled his eyes.

‘Another?’

‘It’s table service.’

‘Well I’m running a drink behind and can’t wait.’

Chin propped on palm, Laurie watched him lean on the bar, and pondered if she could save up to redecorate her house in the style of Hawksmoor.

A platinum blonde with a bob, in an oyster silk spaghetti strap dress, slid over to Jamie’s side. She looked like Michelle Pfeiffer inScarfaceand had a similar aversion to wearing a bra. Laurie couldn’t stop staring. Was she hitting on Jamie …?

My God, shewas, arm draped around his shoulder, speaking closely into his ear, the way her body was angled, Jamie looking simultaneously gratified and vaguely startled. Laurie watched with amused curiosity: would he weasel out of this one, given the contract stipulations?

There was somesotto vocechat between them and the woman glanced over. There was some more chat, and the woman did a ‘Wow what’, jaw drop, and this time really scrutinised Laurie. It was hard to know how to feel when she had no idea what had sparked her interest.

Jamie broke free and came back, set their drinks down.

‘Did you get propositioned at the bar?’ Laurie said, quietly, awestruck.

‘Er. Yeah,’ Jamie said, bashful and maybe a little bit proud.

‘Oh my God.’ Laurie didn’t want to inflate an already healthy ego but this felt like going on safari to her.

‘But … how do … creatures of the night know each other? How do you tell each other is one, like the Freemasons? You could’ve been here with your wife; I could be your wife.I could be barrelling over there, handbag flying. Or you could be gay.’

Jamie laughed.

‘For the most part, especially if you’re a woman approaching a man, you’re pretty sure even if you get rebuffed that the person will be flattered. Also, I can’t let you go on thinking I’m a God. While I have had a cold approach in my time, that wasn’t one. That’s Kirsten, I know her from a while back. She was dating a friend of mine at the time.’

‘What did you say just now?’

‘That I was here on a date.’

‘That was enough to put her off?’

‘Yup. Well. Apart from …’ Jamie leaned in and whispered, ‘She offered for you to join in.’

Laurie sucked in her breath and looked over. ‘And when she was dating your friend, you …?!’

Jamie shook his head rapidly: ‘My male friend! Male. No thank you.’

‘She looks like normal people. All the while. Soliciting threesomes.’

Laurie thought for a moment. ‘But you said something else to her? Something that made her go “Oh my!” and look at me like I was an extra terrestrial.’

‘Did she?’ Jamie said, blandly: this was a fob off if ever there was.

‘Yes. You said I was a Mormon, or didn’t have good hygiene, or something, didn’t you?’

‘I didn’t! I made it clear you wouldn’t be interested, and that was that.’

‘You said,she’s not a Sex Person, you know.’

‘Sex Person, hahahaha. But no, I didn’t.’

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