Page 112 of If I Never Met You

I only wanted to be some kind of friend

Even the song seemed to be speaking to them, a sense of something spinning off its axis, going awry. She couldn’t see Jamie’s face, or judge if he was feeling anything like what she felt.

When they broke apart at the end of the song, she looked up at him in wonder to see if his face held any clue, and hewas looking back at her with a completely intent, lovestruck expression she knew she’d try to hold on to in her mind’s eye until her dying day. You didn’t get many of those looks, in a lifetime.

‘I need the loo,’ she mumbled, breaking away before Jamie could say anything, picking her way through the increasing Christmas party carnage to the ladies.

On her way, she passed Dan, who looked like the time on the caravan holiday when he’d found rat droppings in his Coco Pops box after eating them for four days.

‘Hi!’ Laurie said, and swept onwards before he could reply.

Slow dancing with Jamie, and it hadn’t even occurred to her whether Dan was witnessing it.

What would success feel like to you? She could finally answer that: self-respect.

It felt like not caring anymore.

She washed her hands in cold water and looked at her face in the mirror and tried to make sense of why three minutes of clinging to Jamie Carter like a koala had left her in this state. Alcohol, Prince, him looking great in a black suit, these were factors. They didn’t add up to the full answer. She balled a paper towel in her hands.

A toilet flushed and Megan came out of a cubicle, looking as dumbstruck to see Laurie as Laurie was to see her. She stood perfectly still for a second.

The only noise was the burble of the music beyond a thick wall, and the dripping of a tap.

‘I didn’t think I’d ever be this person,’ Megan said, eventually.

‘Neither did I,’ Laurie said. ‘And I didn’t have a choice about it.’

She threw the paper towel into the bin, and left Megan standing there.

When she returned to the main hall, she could see Jamie at a distance, chatting with a good-looking girl from another table, and wanted to wolf howl with possessiveness. She felt a wash of confusion, yearning and rivalry.

Hethoughthe was falling for Eve, but no one would hold him back for long, would they? He was no doubt constitutionally incapable of monogamy.

Laurie wouldn’t do this, sherefusedto do this. She wouldn’t break her own heart, in the style of a raving idiot. Jamie Carter was sold as seen, she had no cause to criticise him for being who he was, and she was glad of that. She wanted to keep liking him.

She backed out of the door and through an ante room and she was in blessed fresh air, albeit blessed fresh air that was going to feel Arctic within seconds.

‘Hello, again,’ said a friendly giant in a kilt.

‘Hello, Angus from Experian,’ Laurie said.

‘Hello, Laurie the lawyer. What are you doing out here?’

‘It got too much. Briefly.’

‘I know what you mean. The lass I was seeing until November is tonguing Duncan from Complaints. I wonder if he’ll listen to my complaint. How about you? What got too much?’

‘Ah, tricky. My ex of eighteen years is here with his pregnant girlfriend. Always going to be challenging.’

‘Woah,’ Angus said, ‘That’s some deep water. You’re single?’

‘Single,’ Laurie said. It now felt natural to say it. Even positive.

‘That won’t last long. You’re crazy pretty,’ Angus said. ‘You look like the girl out of Corrie. Or was itEmmerdale?’

‘Angela Griffin,’ Laurie supplied.

‘Oh my …! How on earth did you get there that quick?’

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