Page 89 of Lady for Embers

“No? We are not going to discuss the increased drinking at the Black Halls? The nights in Solembra? Why you are volunteering for the night watches all the time these days?”

“Your point?”

“My point is that you get this way when you are trying to ?ght things you cannot.”

“So philosophical lately,” Cyrus sneered. “Is this some ‘I-almost-died’ thing?”

“You also become a bigger asshole when you cannot keep thoughts of Merrik and Thia shoved down instead of actually dealing with them.”

“You haveno ideawhat it is like, Sorin,” Cyrus snarled, his finger jabbing in his direction. “None. Do not sit and preach at me about dealing with repressed emotions when you spiraled into some sort of pity-party when Eliné left, threw your relationship with Talwyn out the fucking window, and then wallowed in the mortal lands for three godsdamned years, even if it was Talwyn who sent you there. Forgive me if I do not find any wisdom you have to impart on the subject particularly enlightening.”

Sorin kept his features impassive, despite the mental ?inch at his words. Cyrus had said much worse things to him in the years immediately after Thia’s death. This mood of his was nothing compared to some of the pits his friend had spiraled into then, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about this one. It’d been a good decade since he had gone this far. He was good at hiding it.Good at laughing and joking, using it to hide his grief. He seemed to believe the rest of them were convinced he’d moved on, but they knew better. Just like they all knew Eliza was taking the loss of Nakoa far harder than she’d ever let on. Just like they all knew the reasons Rayner had become so attached to Tula.

“Perhaps I do not understand, but Scarlett has some idea—”

“I knew this was really about that. I will apologize to her,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Do not do me any favors, Cyrus,” Sorin said coldly. “She will recognize it for the false apology it is anyway.”

Cyrus didn’t respond, turning to look out the windows running along the back of the room, and Sorin waited. This was going to go one of two ways. He either wanted to have a conversation about this, or—

“Scarlett doesn’t have any idea either,” Cyrus snapped. “She was able to save you. The Fates decided she was worthy of keeping her twin ?ame. I had to give mine back. The two people I have loved so deeply... They found me unworthy of both of them. So no, Sorin, she does not have any idea. None of you do.”

And what was he supposed to say to that? It wouldn’t matter right now anyway. Sorin had learned over the decades that sometimes Cyrus just needed to put voice to all his thoughts. He didn’t want a response from anyone. He just needed them said aloud. Eventually they would speak of the things he was saying now, but it would not be today. If Sorin tried, Cyrus would shut down completely.

His friend fell silent, eyes going back to the window, to the sea. Several minutes passed before he said, “I’m so tired of the godsdamned sea.”

“I know, Cyrus.”

He sighed heavily. “I will talk to Scarlett.”

“I know.”

“You should have hit me for speaking to her like that. I know you wanted to.”

“I am sure she will.”

Cyrus huffed a laugh, a hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck. “Tell me about your power. What’s going on with it?”

Now it was Sorin’s turn to clench his jaw. “We do not know. I still cannot create ?re portals, and it feels... less than.”

“Explain.”

Sorin tapped a ?nger on the table, irritation and anxiety warring in his gut. “My magic reserves are full, but they feel... smaller.”

Cyrus was silent for a moment, letting that sink in, before he said, “You are not as powerful.”

Sorin nodded once. “And every time I tap into them, it is as though they shrink even more when I have given them time to re?ll.”

“She knows?”

“Scarlett knows.”

“And you still let her draw from you?”

His ?nger tapped a little faster. “I am her Source, Cyrus. If only one of us can be at full strength, it needs to be her. But we have an agreement about the issue.”

Cyrus leaned forward, bracing his arms on the table. “What are you going to do?”

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