Page 25 of Lady for Embers

“It is,” she agreed. Scarlett went quiet, ?ddling with her teacup, then she cleared her throat. “Anyway, I am also rather cranky today about this abysmal weather, and no one wanted to spar with me because I get extra violent when I’m crabby.”

Callan barked a laugh, and it felt strange. He was fairly certainhe hadn’t so much as smiled in the weeks since he’d watched death claim so many he cared for.

“So you are drinking instead?”

“If I am being forced to endure being stuck on a damp, cold ship under grey skies, I am going to drink, your Majesty,” she said, clinking her teacup against his before throwing back the last of hers.

“Fair enough,” he said, doing the same.

She leaned back on her elbows, tipping her face to the cloudy sky, her eyes falling closed. “What do you need to talk about, Callan? And do not say ‘nothing.’ We both know that is bullshit.” Her shadows ?owed from her, wrapping around their empty teacups and taking them to... wherever they went. Then she reached into her cloak pocket and pulled out a small bottle of liquor. She unscrewed the cap, taking a pull directly from the bottle before passing it to him and waiting.

He took a drink, feeling the alcohol warm everything on its way down. “Tava is really good with Eva,” he ?nally said.

“Mmm,” she hummed. “Losing a parent is hard. Seeing your mother and father killed in front of your eyes... That will leave a mark. It will never go away, but she has you. That will help.”

Callan nodded, taking another pull from the small liquor bottle before passing it back to her. She would know. She’d seen the woman she’d called Mother be taken apart piece by piece. “I do not know how to help her... deal with all of this.Ido not know how to deal with all of this.”

Scarlett’s eyes had moved to the horizon, watching the waves. “When I lost Eliné...” She sighed. “My people were two young girls who were being trained to take life just as I was, a best friend instructing said training, and a master who made sure that I associated survival, love, and family with him. She has you, Callan. You. Pure light and all things good. Will she struggle? Absolutely. But as long as she has you, she will be okay. She will not turn to violence and rage like I was encouraged to do. You will make sure of that.”

“How do you know?”

“Because when I met you, for the ?rst time in years, my world wasn’t quite so dark.”

“My light was simply not enough for you,” he said, not out of bitterness but more of an observation.

“No, Callan. My darkness was not enough foryou,” she replied, passing the liquor back to him. “You deserve so much more thanmy world of shadows, and I think you are ?nding the light far more beautiful.” A comfortable silence fell between them for a time before she said, “But how aboutyou? You also lost your parents. You also saw them taken before your very eyes. And Finn and Sloan...” She swallowed thickly. “I am sorry, Callan. Just as I know what it does to a little girl to see that, I know what it does to a person to see their friends fall.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

What else was there to say? Nothing really. He saw Finn and Sloan falling when he closed his eyes, collapsing as the life was snuffed from them with the squeeze of a ?st. He heard Eva’s horri?ed screams in his dreams. He felt his chest constricting with Alaric’s power when it got too quiet, when he was too still.

“Everything you are feeling, Callan? And everything you are not feeling? It is all okay. It is... Those feelings are valid. I want you to know that. There is no right or wrong way to survive this as long as you survive,” she said softly.

And wasn’t that what he was doing? Simply surviving at this point? It didn’t seem like it was enough. It seemed like he should be doing more. He was supposedly a king. He was responsible for his little sister now. He had so many godsdamn responsibilities. He’d thought he’d have more time before he would ?nd himself in the position of ruling.

And yet every day since that throne room, it was all he could do to get out of bed in the morning. To put one foot in front of the other. He could hardly focus on the next hours, next minutes, let alone days to come.

Scarlett bumped her knee against his. “Don’t push the grief and anger and sorrow down, Callan. Don’t let it grow and fester and draw you into the darkness. It is harder for people to ?nd you there. And the longer you stay, the more you forget that there are stars worth ?ghting for. Don’t...” She turned, looking out over the endless waves around them for a long moment. “Don’t shut people out. It takes longer to heal when you don’t let people in.”

“Do you ever really heal?” he asked, stretching his legs out before him.

“No,” she said quietly. “But the days become bearable. They slowly become brighter. Then you have a good day amidst a mess of bad ones, and you think maybe it is worth it. To ?ght for the good days. It doesn’t hurt any less. It just hurts differently, and the pain isn’t quite so staggering when you have people to keep you fromdrowning.” Her head turned, silver eyes settling on him. “Fight for the good days, Callan. Even if they are few and far between right now, ?ght for the good days. And if good days seem too impossible right now, ?ght for the good moments that manage to appear amidst the hell you’re enduring. The glimpses of light. Fight for those.”

“I can’t...” His throat bobbed, eyes darting to the sea. “I do not sleep at night, Scarlett,” he ?nally managed. “I can’t... When I do manage to sleep, I wake up in a cold sweat because all I see is...”

Scarlett was silent, letting him try and get his thoughts together, try to put some sort of voice to them. But when he didn’t continue for several minutes, she said, “I wish I had a map to give you to guide you through this, Callan. I wish I had some great secret that would make this even slightly easier. But you have to walk through it. You have to face the storms that will come for you over and over, the memories that threaten to keep you locked in this nightmare. You will be different on the other side. You may not even fully recognize yourself. But you will make it to the other side, Callan. And on the days you think you won’t, I’m here to sit in your darkness until you’re ready to ?nd your light.”

Callan swallowed thickly against the burn in his throat. He might hate how the last year had been between them, but what had Tava said? That she believed he and Scarlett were meant to be in each other’s lives? Scarlett might not believe in the Fates, but he was starting to believe their meeting was not by chance, if only so she could be here, at this exact moment in time with him, giving him hope that he would indeed make it through this.

She leaned over then, wrapping her arms around him, and he found himself gripping her tightly back. “Don’t let them steal your light, Callan,” Scarlett whispered. “This world needs it.”

“If I did not have so many responsibilities before me right now, I would question if the glimpses of light are even worth it at this point,” he ?nally managed, his voice barely a whisper. He turned to look at the queen. “What does that say about me? As a person? To say something like that? To eventhinkit?”

“That you are human, Callan,” she replied. “It says that you are a normal person. Despite the titles you bear, at the end of the day, you are just like everyone else. A normal person with perfectly normal feelings.”

“And what does it say about me as a king?” he pressed on, ignoring her comment. “You call me Majesty, but have I earned such atitle? I fail to see how, Scarlett. I have done nothing to earn anything I have. I have only lost everything that ever mattered.”

“Not everything, Callan,” she said, her tone as soft as before. “But when you are drowning, it is hard to see beyond the waves keeping you under.”

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