Page 198 of Lady for Embers

He didn’t bother telling her he’d changed out the water. She was already striding from the room, saying something about getting supplies from Magdalena. He was exhausted, but she was also right. The wound on his hand needed to at least be wrapped.

He moved out to the sitting room, stooping to put logs into the hearth and start a ?re. The ?re Fae had been taking care of this since they’d been here, but with all of them at the castle, it looked like he’d be doing it tonight.

Callan was searching for matches when Tava came back through the door. There were various things bundled in her arms.

“Sit,” she said, pushing the door shut behind her with her foot.

“The ?re—”

“I will get it,” she interrupted, setting the supplies down on the small end table. She pulled matches from the pocket of her robe, lighting one and crouching down to get the ?re going before she disappeared into the bedchamber. She emerged a moment later with a wet cloth, sitting down beside him and pulling his injured hand into her lap.

She was gently dabbing at the wound when Callan said, “You do not need to do this, Tava.”

“It keeps me busy,” she murmured, not looking up. “I was quite anxious with all of you gone this evening.”

“How is Drake?” he asked again. “And do not tell me ?ne. He was clearly not ?ne.”

“You are correct,” Tava replied, not missing a beat. “He is not ?ne.” She set the soiled cloth aside, reaching for a small glass jar and twisting off the top. “I remember overhearing Drake, and... Well, who I know to be my father, arguing more than once. Drake wanted to be trained to take over his position as the Commander of the King’s armies. He could not understand why our father would refuse, and he would become upset. Father would tell him he was not cut out for battle, that he was better suited to advise and move behind doors.” A cool salve touched his skin, and she carefully spread it over his palm and ?ngers. “He tried to keep us both in the background as much as possible. I was more content there than Drake. He thought he had something to prove to him, and it made their relationship strained.”

Tava set the jar aside, reaching for the bandages. She began wrapping each of his fingers. “His entire life he has thought he did not measure up to our father’s expectations. When in reality, it appears our father was trying to keep us hidden. That does not negate the fact that for his entire life, all he has heard is that he is not good enough. Seeing everything tonight—our father, the tombs of our real parents, the fighting and bloodshed he was always kept too sheltered from...” She sighed, reaching for another bandage to begin wrapping his palm. “No, he is not fine.”

She smoothed her ?ngers over the wrappings, and Callan ?exed his ?ngers slightly around the bandages. Busying herself with another cloth, she shifted a little closer so she could clean up his shoulder. She cleared her throat. “And you? How are you holding up?”

“I killed people tonight.”

Her hand paused its dabbing at the super?cial wound. When she slowly resumed the motion, she said tentatively, “You were ?ghting for your people. This is the beginning of a war. It is to be expected.”

“I do not think anyone ever expected me to ?ght in a war,” Callan answered.

“A real king would do so,” she answered softly. “A real king does not sit on a throne commanding armies from afar. Besides, is that not exactly what you have been training for?”

“Yes, but...” He pushed out a harsh breath. “Even with all the training, I thought I was prepared for that moment, but I was not.”

“You hesitated?” she asked, reaching for the jar of slave.

“That is just it. I didn’t hesitate,” he said. “Prince Azrael sort of talked me through it, but I did not hesitate. Not even a little bit. What does that say about me?”

“That you were adequately trained,” she answered without ­hesitation.

“You make it sound simple.”

“Taking a life is anything but simple.” She wiped her ?ngers on a towel, reaching for a bandage.

“It is not simple, yet so many do it daily. Seemingly without thought. I do not understand how,” Callan said. “I feel... tainted. Like when I took those lives, I lost a piece of myself too.”

Tava was ?nishing taping the bandage in place, ?ngers smoothing over his skin. She was quiet for a long moment as she ?nishedup before sitting back, ?ddling with the supplies and gathering them up. “I think that anyone responsible for other people has to make hard choices sometimes. I think they taint their souls so those they care for do not have to.”

She moved to stand, but Callan caught her hand. She hadn’t looked at him directly since the hallway, and he reached out, tipping her chin up. “Thank you, Tava.”

“It was nothing,” she said, cheeks turning pink once more. After all this time, she still blushed at the full weight of his attention.

“For the bandages, yes, but that is not what I meant,” he said. “Thank you for being a light when the darkness starts to close in.”

She cleared her throat, pulling away from him and pushing back to her feet. “I need to go check on Drake,” she said, gathering up the various supplies she had brought in with her. “Do you need anything else?”

What he needed was for her to stay here tonight. He would not sleep, even though he was utterly exhausted. The adrenaline rush of the battle had long-since worn off. And if he did sleep, he was certain the nightmares of that throne room would ?nd him and mingle with the events of this night. What he needed was her light to keep the night away and the darkness at bay.

Instead he shook his head, walking her to the door and pulling it open for her. She seemed to hesitate for a moment before she left. He watched her until she had slipped inside her room. He quietly closed the door, moving to the small alcohol cart and pouring a measure of liquor. Then he sat back on the sofa before the ?re, watching the ?ames ?icker and listening to the logs hiss and crackle. The darkness already creeping back in.

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