Page 87 of Lady for Embers

“I wanted to check on you,” he ?nally said. “When Drake said you were not coming to the meeting... I wanted to check on you.”

Her eyes ?icked to him for the briefest of moments before she looked back out at the horizon. She remained quiet for so long, Callan began to wonder if she was going to speak at all.

“I never had a desire to travel,” she said, her eyes staying ?xed on the water. She could be talking to the sea for as much as she acknowledged his presence. “When I was a child, I can remember my father—” She stopped, seeming to think on that term before continuing. “He would prepare to go on these extended trips away, once again leaving us with a nursemaid. I would cry and beg to go with him, not because I wanted to travel, but because I wanted to be with him. He would always tell me he needed me home, safe and tucked away under Drake’s watchful eye. Even when I was scarcely walking, Drake was always watching over me.” She smiled softly at the memory. “As I got older, I would ask to go along because I was lonely, not because I wanted to see beyond Baylorin. I simply wanted to be with him instead of always being left behind. His answer changed, telling me I did not want that, that I wanted the quiet life provided by staying behind. Eventually, I stopped asking to travel, convinced I was content with what was expected of me.

“But I never really had any genuine desire to travel,” she said again.

“Other girls would speak of wishing to see the other kingdoms. Some would whisper of secret desires to see the Fae lands, to experience some kind of adventure. But I have always been content with the serenity of being in the background, the comfort of home, and the familiarity of my family.”

She fell quiet, and it took a moment before Callan said anything, uncertain of what she was looking for. “There is nothing wrong with that, Tava.”

“There is nothing wrong with that,” she agreed, and he had to wonder why she was telling him any of this, until the next words came from her mouth. “I was content, Callan.” She ?nally turned to look at him, and the weight of her stare had him nearly ?inching back. “I did not go to the meeting today because for just a moment, I wanted to remember what it was like to be in the background. I wanted to remember what it was like to be... happy.”

Her eyes went back to the water, hair ?uttering across her face.

What was he supposed to say to that? Tell her everything would be all right? He couldn’t promise that. Tell her he was sorry she had been dragged into this? The sentiment wouldn’t change anything.

“I know life is not always wonderful. My father... tried to shield us from the harshness of it. Even Drake. He did not want him taking over his position as the leading army commander. How does that stack up against the man who is a Maraan Lord?” she asked. “How am I supposed to reconcile any of that in my mind?”

“I do not know, Tava,” he answered gently, wanting to reach out and offer a comforting touch, but he didn’t know if that was his place anymore.

She pushed off the edge, turning to face him fully, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. “I am not one to avoid uncomfortable situations.”

“I know,” he replied, unsure of where she was going with yet another sudden change of subject. A wry grin lifted the corner of his mouth. “As I recall, you are painfully candid when we are alone.”

“Painfully?” she questioned, a slight frown pulling on her lips.

He slid his hands into his pockets as his ?ngers twitched again to ease that tension he could see on her features. “For my pride, yes, but it was needed and deserved.”

“We are both trying to process hard things right now,” she continued, her eyes darting to the side, back to the water. She sucked in a deep breath, her arms squeezing herself tighter before she said, her words a rush that told Callan just how rattled this conversation was making her, “I need to know if while I am processing the loss of my father, if I need to be processing the end of this as well, becauseI would rather do so all at once rather than drag it out one after another. And—”

Her words were cut off as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her flush against his body. His mouth landed on hers, and she stiffened in surprise, but that only lasted a few seconds as his lips gently coaxed her to relax. Pure light. That’s what she tasted like. Just like the one and only other time they’d kissed that night in the conservatory. That kiss had been a ruse, a plot by Tava to catch Veda in her conniving acts, but this kiss? This kiss was real and went beyond anything he’d imagined. Her soft mouth moved against his, and when his tongue swiped across the seam of her lips, she opened for him immediately, a low rumble sounding from his throat. At some point, he had moved them, and she was up against the side of the ship, her back arching slightly around his arm at her waist.

A soft sigh from her had Callan gently ending the kiss, brushing his lips over hers once more before resting his brow against hers. “I am sorry,” he murmured, searching her turquoise eyes. One of her hands was on his shoulder, the other ?sted in his shirt. “I should not have done that.”

“It is all right,” she said breathlessly. She reached up, touching her ?ushed cheek. “I just need a moment...” She cleared her throat, pulling away from him and smoothing her hands down her skirts. He still had her caged against the side of the ship, and her gaze dipped down to the ?oor. “That did not clear anything up.”

He placed his ?ngertips under her chin, titling her face back up to his. This time when her eyes met his, they were shuttered, clearly trying to prepare herself. “I do not know what the future holds for me anymore.”

“None of us do.”

“I know, but... There are so many changes happening so fast. And now I have Eva to worry about... ” The more he spoke, the more her eyes hardened, shutting him out. “I do not know who I will be when this is over.”

“I understand.”

And the tone of her voice nearly broke him. It was pleasing and demure. It was the voice of a Lady of the Court.

He moved his hand up to cup her cheek. “Little Fox—”

“You do not get to call me that anymore, Cal— Your Majesty.”

He shook his head, ?erce denial coursing through him. “Don’t. Don’t do that, Tava.”

“I never wanted to travel, Callan,” she said, her voice ­cracking the smallest amount. “I was content.Youasked me to travel. You asked me to stop the ruse, knowing full well it had stopped being a ruse long before that night. I tried to keep the boundary. You asked me to step over it to explore unfamiliar territory. And I thought...” She inhaled sharply, a harsh shudder coursing through her. “I understand that what happened, the losses you have faced, are hard. That you have found yourself shoved into roles you did not expect to ful?ll for years. But when you asked me to... I thought it meant we would face those things together, learn who we would be on the other side of all of this together.”

“Tava,” he sighed, reaching up to cup her face, relieved when she let him. “It would be wrong of me to ask you to wait for me.”

“I would not, even if you asked me to,” she returned simply. “But as I have said, I was not looking for any adventures in the ?rst place.”

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