Page 187 of Lady of Ashes

“Tava,” Callan said, rising and taking a step towards her. “Let’s talk about this.”

“You have said quite enough, Callan,” she said calmly, her throat working to contain her emotions as she got to her feet.

“Tava, please. It is too dangerous for you to go there, even if we do end this ruse. It will take time for news to spread, and even then …”

And even then she might not ever be able to take up the things she had been doing. The people there knew she was engaged to the Crown. They knew she was nobility, willing to get into bed with the people who chose to turn a blind eye to their plights. That was his fault. That was something she had sacri?ced for him.

“You say it is not my responsibility,” Tava said suddenly. “Then whose is it, Callan? Yours? The king’s? What makes my wellbeing so much more important than any of theirs? Simply because of who I was born to? Someone needs to care, Callan.”

“And who is to care about you?” he countered. “Who is to care that you are putting yourself at risk when there are other ways to serve them?”

“No one questions when Scarlett wants to swing a sword and sneak around in the night, but when I do it tohelppeople and not kill them, my wellbeing suddenly becomes more important?”

“You are not her,” Callan said.

“Thank the gods for that,” Sloan muttered under his breath.

Callan gripped her shoulders. “You are not her, Tava,” he repeated. “You have said so yourself. And that recklessness? That inability to let anyone take care of her? That is not something to covet. Those are qualities you should not strive for. Being unable to let anyone in? That is not something you want.”

“You know nothing of what I want,” Tava all but spat back at him.

“Then tell me,” he said. “Tell me what you want, Tava.”

“I want to matter, Callan!” she cried, two tears slipping free. “I want to matter not because of my bloodline, not because I can produce heirs. I want to make a difference for someone, not because they did something to earn it, but because they deserve it simply by being alive. Because while I did not grow up among them, I still know what it is to be forgotten. I still know what it is to be left in the background. Do I know what it is like to go hungry? To not have shelter? To be poor? No. Do I know what it is to move unseen among others like a spirit? Yes.”

“Tava,” Callan breathed, pulling her into his chest and his arms wrapping around her. His chin rested atop her head, and he felt her small hands ?st in his shirt at his sides.

After several minutes of holding her, she pushed back, swiping at her cheeks with her ?ngers. “Please, Callan. Veda is gone. Can we go this last time? Then we can ?nd other ways to help them, but this last time … Please.”

“I still do not think it is a good idea,” he said gently.

Her shoulders sagged, and he knew she wouldn’t defy him on this. It was too ingrained in her. She would fall into line, obey the order of a man, of her Crown Prince.

And he hated it.

He hated that she would give in, simply because she had been taught that men were superior and that her place was above commoners but below royalty. He hated that anyone would feel that way, but seeingherhurting because of it, caused something in his chest to tighten.

He exhaled sharply through his nose. “One time, Tava. This is the last time we do this. We go in disguised and discreet, and tomorrow you and I will discuss ways to help them here and in other cities in the kingdom.”

She met his gaze, a tentative hope entering her eyes. “You mean that?”

“I still do not think it is a good idea,” he said again.

“It is a stupid idea,” Sloan cut in, but Finn was already gathering cloaks and extra weapons.

“We take horses until we are a few blocks away,” Finn said, as they left Callan’s chambers and began making their way down to the grounds. “We are not walking an hour back here if things do not go well. Which I am expecting they will not, by the way.”

“It is a few tonics and blankets,” Tava said softly, her hands deep in the pockets of her cloak. She wouldn’t look at any of them, and Callan could read her well enough by this point to know she was feeling guilty.

The woman was feeling guilty for wanting to help those who could not help themselves.

How utterly ridiculous was that?

Sloan brought out Callan’s black stallion ?rst, and Callan turned to Tava. “Do you want to ride with me or with Finn?”

“You. If that is all right,” she answered, her eyes ?xed on the ground.

He gestured to her to come forward, and he helped her into the saddle before he swung up behind her. Once they were both situated and Finn and Sloan were atop their horses, they made their way to the pickup location the High Healer had sent to Tava.

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