Page 250 of Lady of Ashes

He paused for so long that Talwyn wondered if that was all he had to say, and what it mattered. She didn’t care. Not any more.

But when he spoke again, there was a pointed deliberation tohis tone. “Everything stayed the same until the day a young queen showed up at my home, having just been bonded to a spirit animal, and not knowing a single fucking thing about what to do with her throne. That day, everything changed.”

“I do not know what you are trying to say, but spit it out, Az,” Talwyn snapped.

“Dammit, Talwyn.Youchanged everything. Until that day, relationships were for political alliances, for producing powerful heirs, for making sure the Earth Court remained pro?table. Until that day. Until you. Until you literally appeared out of thin air and turned my entire world upside down. I did not know how to react. I did not know how to let in those feelings, but that day? The purpose of a relationship took on a different meaning for me. And over the years, as I watched you grow into the queen you were always meant to be, love took on a different meaning for me, too.”

Talwyn found herself pressing her back to the door, having lurched back from what he appeared to be saying.

“I should have … told you sooner. All of it. Everything. Maybe things would be different, but I didn’t know how. I was too much of a … coward,” he was saying. His jaw was sharp, his eyes pinned on her. She couldn’t hold his gaze, her eyes darting around the room, trying to focus on anything but him. “But I know what love looks like Talwyn. And so do you. You saw it today when Aditya was ?ghting with everything he had to get to Scarlett. You saw it when Cyrus lost his fucking mind when Thia died. If you’d open your godsdamn eyes, you’d see it between Ashtine and Briar.” Talwyn’s gaze ?ew to his at that. “And you and I both know that is not what you have with Tarek.”

That had her pushing off the door, stalking towards him, fury coursing through her. “You knownothingof what I have with Tarek,” she seethed, her ?nger poking him hard in the chest, a gust of wind pushing into him and making him stumble back a step.

But instead of responding to that, Azrael said, “You will have to pick a side, Talwyn. You have to know that.”

“Do I?” Talwyn countered. “I could give two fucks less about the Maraan Lords and what they want in Avonleya. As long as that kingdom falls and becomes rubble at my feet, Alaric and the others can have whatever they want there. They are a means to an end. They are the ones being used here, not me.”

A laugh of utter disbelief came from Azrael. “At least acknowledge you are purposefully putting on blinders here, Talwyn. You are putting your Courts, your people, those you are duty bound to protect, at risk for what? Revenge you think you are owed? When will it be enough? What do you want?”

“I want it all!” she screamed. “I am owed my revenge! I have lost everything because of them and what they started! If anyone has been used here, it is our people. Good enough to ?ght a war for them, but not good enough to be protected when they ran back and hid behind their wards. Good enough to be chosen until someone better came along, and then abandoned as if they were nothing.”

Something softened in his eyes. “Talwyn,” he murmured.

But she was done talking. She was done listening. She was done with him. She was done with all of this. “Aiding the Maraans in this, secures the safety of my Courts. If you cannot see that, then I am not the naïve one here.”

“They will be used to ?ght a war that is not theirs, just as you accuse the Avonleyans of doing,” Azrael countered.

“They will not. I will not allow that to happen. I have given everything for these Courts. Everything,” she hissed. “I will be damned if an Avonelyan thinks she can come in here and take what I have dedicated my entire life to.”

Azrael was shaking his head, a hand carving through his dark hair.

Then he was prowling towards her, taking her chin between his thumb and fore?nger, forcing her to meet his gaze.

“I want to make one thing very clear, Talwyn,” he said. “I am not walking away because I want to. I am not letting you go because I do not care. I am letting you go because you refuse to let anyone ?ght for you. You refuse to even entertain the idea that someone could want you for you. That someone would see the value ofwhoyou are. I see everything you cannot see. And Tarek? He does not see you, Talwyn. He sees a path to a throne. He has not watched you grow into the queen you are today. He left you willingly, not because you forced him to walk away. He willingly abandoned you. But know that when I walk away from you tonight, it kills me to do so.”

“You are no different,” she whispered, her voice harsh and intending to wound. “You have conditions for what we are.”

“The only condition I have is that you choose me, too, Talwyn,” he answered, his voice gruff and low. “I do not believe this was all for nothing, so know that on the days and nights you feel alone,when you ?nd yourself standing among the destruction you have brought about, I will be out there. We are not done, you and I, and I will come for you as soon as you let me do so.”

He dropped her chin, taking a step back from her. “But I cannot stand by and watch you lead our people to their death.”

Talwyn hadn’t moved. Her face was still tilted up, her lips pressed into a thin line. She said nothing until she heard his hand on the door, beginning to pull it open. Then she found herself spinning towards him.

“They plan to invade the Courts,” she said, her tone ?rm and monotone. “I will let them cross the wards.”

Azrael stilled. He stared straight ahead, his eyes ?xed on the door in front of him. “I will tell the others. Drayce and Adit— The Fire Court.”

“I know,” she said, the numbness she’d felt when her power had slammed into Sorin’s chest returning.

Numbness because she would not allow herself to feel the crater it had left in her soul.

This was no place for feelings and emotions.

“How you are feeling right now? About exacting your revenge against Sorin?” Azrael said, as if he could see her fractured soul. “You are glimpsing your future, Talwyn. That feeling is all your future holds if you stay on this path.”

Then he was gone, the door banging shut behind him.

“How is it coming along?”

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