Page 130 of Hits Different

“With a heart filled with gratitude, I hereby confirm that I will not be seeking re-election to the United States Senate”. My dad pauses as cameras flash, and I give him an encouraging nod. “I’m happy to take your questions, and who knows, now that I’m leaving, I might even answer one of them without pivoting to my education plan”.

There’s a brief ripple of amusement amongst the press pool, most of whom I’ve known since I was a little kid.

I’m on stage behind the podium, in the position that my mother used to hold. There’s maybe 20 reporters and half a dozen cameras crammed into three rows of hastily assembled seats. I’ve been here what feels like a hundred times before; wedged stoically between my parents with a plastic smile and wave, with my mother’s hand gripping my shoulder.

A familiar wave of anxiety ripples through me. I clear my throat, forcing my feet into the ground within my shoes.Not long to go now, then it’s all over.The reporters begin to call out questions.

“Have you had any thoughts on endorsing a successor?”

My dad handles the questions easily, knocking back standard soundbites that are feverishly scribbled in notepads. In the second row, two people lower their hands, and my heart skips a beat. Richard Crawley sits silently in the back. The whiteness of the camera lights suddenly feels brighter.

“You recently parted ways with your Chief of Staff, Winston Deville. Where does your relationship stand with Winston today?”

“Just good friends, Jen”. A couple of chuckles. My dad pauses. I can tell he wants to say more, but to do so would potentially reveal the real reason for his firing, and that would put me in harm’s way.

Crawley leans forward, tapping his pen thoughtfully against his top lip. His eyes light on me, and I resist the urge to loosen my tie.

Dad wouldn’t tell me what had happened after he’d confronted Winston, but my guess is that it wasn’t good. I don’t think that I’ll ever understand his reasons for trying to keep my dad and I apart. All my dad would say was that power, or proximity to it, changes people. Not for the better.

The only thing Winston admitted to was paying Volchok for the pictures, but he wouldn’t name the reporter. It’s not hard to guess.

It’s the same red-faced blowhard who’s sat smirking fifteen feet away.

A decade’s worth of fear and loathing catches in my throat. Looking at him now, it’s hard to see what caused it. The door to the lobby opens quietly, and a familiar figure in a black zip up hoodie slips inside. My breathing starts to return to normal.

“Any reason why your wife isn’t with you?”

“None that I’d share with you, Jamie”. More laughter. I zone out as my dad launches into an answer about healthcare affordability.

“One for Brandon?” My stomach flips. I catch eyes with Parker, who lowers his hood.

“My son’s not here to take questions”.

Normally I’d agree. Normally I’d run for the hills. Except it’s not just any journalist. It’s Crawley. The stony look on Parker’s face tells me that he recognises him too. There’s silence in the room. It’s been over ten years.

The monster under the bed now wants to talk.

Before I know it, I’ve stepped forward.

“It’s okay, Dad”. I take his place at the podium, “Mr. Crawley. It’s been a long time”.

“Is it true that you were instrumental in the decision to fire Winston Deville?” A gasp goes up. Parker sits up straighter in his seat. “As of a result of his involvement in a plot to reveal personal information about you to the electorate to win your father votes?”

I can’t move. I had nothing to do with it. But it doesn’t matter. This is how it’s done. Even before he’s finishing speaking, cogs start whirling in the other journalist’s heads.What secret information? Does Brandon have a drug problem? Did he get someone pregnant?Right then, the twelve-year-old version of myself pushes himself to the forefront of my mind.

Do not, he demands,let him do this to you again.

I lean into the mic, “The fact that I’m gay isn’t a secret, sir”.

That took the wind out of his sails. The world turns inside out, then back again.

By the time it does, Crawley’s back on the attack. “I think your father’s constituents would disagree. As would most of the press who’ve been covering your family for the last several years. I think they’d probably feel like you’ve been lying to them”.

“Why would I lie to a bunch of reporters, of all people?” I see Parker chuckle, and he’s not the only one. Crawley snorts in annoyance.

“I think it’s only right that people know the full truth about their politicians”.

Something unsheathes inside me. “You think it’s important that my dad’s constituents knows whether his kid is a member of the LGBT community or not?”

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