Page 85 of Hits Different

“Then consider me ecstatic, because I’m still pissed”. But he sits down at the end of my bed anyway.

“For whatever it’s worth, Iamsorry”, Millie cuts in. “There’s no excuse, but I’m going to try and provide one anyway”.

“You don’t need to”, I begin, but she cuts me off.

“Please. Let me just get through this. It’s my first ever real apology, so buckle in”. Millie takes a deep breath. “The things that happened that night, between the three of us, were unexpected. I’m not ashamed of it”, she adds quickly. “But, later I realised it was about trying to get closer to Parker, more than anything else”.

I know the feeling.

“I was very much in love with you”, Millie says.

“Plot twist”.

“Notyou, Carter”, she rolls her eyes. “Parker, I knew that life was taking us in different directions. No matter how much you thought our differences mattered to me, I want you to know that they didn’t”. She looks directly at Parker. “I never cared how much money you had or whether you went to college or not”.

“It felt like that sometimes”, Parker says, after a moment.

“I know. But at the time, it felt like no matter what I did, I’d always come in second”. A little shiver runs through me. No prizes for guessing who she thought she was coming secondto. This guy.

“I knew that Carter had feelings for you. I just didn’t know if you had them for him. And after that night”, she wraps her coat around her, “It was obvious to me, at least, that you did”.

Parker nods slowly. I can’t quite look at him. We’ve never really talked honestly about how he felt about that night. About me. And us together.

“I shouldn’t have said what I did. It was cruel, and not a reflection of how I feel. Carter and I have never been close”, I incline my head in acknowledgement. “But I didn’t mean it. I was scared of losing the only person I’d ever loved”.

“So you tried to drive a wedge between Brandon and I”, Parker finishes. He doesn’t sound mad, but I’m guessing he’s already had this conversation once today.

She nods. “And I wish I could take it back”. Her eyes land on Parker’s hand, which has somehow made its way up the bed to rest on my arm. I’m so used to his touch, I didn’t even notice. “But it looks like you two are, well I wouldn’t want to assume, but more than friends, or at least…”

“Brandon’s my boyfriend”, Parker says. “Right?”

“Right”, I nod, after a second.Boyfriend. “And uh, apology accepted. You nailed it. You’d never know it was your first one”. I pause, “I’m sorry too. We should have used better judgement that night. Me included”.

“Thanks. I appreciate that, truly”, Millie stands, smoothing her coat. “Right. Now I’ve sufficiently embarrassed myself enough for one day, I’d better be going”.

“You can’t. It’s not safe to drive in this”.

“Now who sounds like they’re trying to engineer another ménage?”

“There’s a spare room at the end of the hall. Sleep over tonight”. She hesitates, so I add with a small smile. “For old times sakes”.

She rolls her eyes. “Well, okay. Goodnight, then”, she says. Hesitatingly, she bends and kisses me on the cheek. She nods a goodbye to Parker, then strides towards the door, closing it gently behind her.

“I did not”, I say, after a moment, “Have an apology from Millie St Clare on my bingo card for today”. He smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “Are you still mad at me?”

He shakes his head. Pulls me into him. We sit there for a second, and I can feel the tension drain from my body. I shiver, even though I’m not cold, and he unzips his hoodie and drapes it around me. “Millie and I came here looking for you. Your laptop was open”, Parker says. “I didn’t mean to see anything, but…”

“You saw my emails to my dad?” I feel caught. Exposed. But as he slips his arm around my shoulder, all I want to do is tell him the truth.

“I didn’treadthem. But it was clear that your correspondence is kind of one-way”. A pang of guilt rolls in my stomach. “Why won’t your dad talk to you? Is it because… I mean, we’ve never really discussed what it was like for you at home after you came out”.

“He was totally cool with me being gay. It would be so much easier if he wasn’t”. My abdomen contracts and relaxes with every word. “Parker, my dad and I haven’t spoken in over two years. Not once”.

Parker’s jaw drops. “How is that even possible?”

“He found out that my mother was having an affair with his best friend”. This is it. The moment he finds out who I really am. “And that I helped cover it up”.

“Wait, what?” Parker’s face screws up, like it used to in math class. “Start from the beginning”.

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