Page 65 of Hits Different

Billy

Confident not cocky.

Billy

Cockfidence

Reuben

I hate you

Joe

Can’t believe I have another month with you chucklefucks

What time are we meeting?

Brandon

Big night out for my boys?

Imran

We don’t do any other kind

Billy

Big cockfidence

Billy

Fellas?

Billy

Still there?

This shouldn’t bother me. It shouldn’t. And I’ll show them, when I’ve graduated from Summit and go back to school with a ton of new skills. And they’ll be wrong. Everyone who dropped me. My parents. My team. Parker.

Parker.

Truth is, I’m not an expert in this kind of thing.Any of it.

Sex, yes. But dating? Sleeping together, with feelings attached? Love?Yeah, not so much. They didn’t call me the Artful Dodger for nothing.

I’ve felt love before. I’ve loved Parker. But I don’t know what it’s like to beloved back. I’ve never had that two-way love. I don’t even think I’ve ever held hands with another dude.

I’m as out of my depth as Di Rossi is.

How long, really, before he figures that out? And if exploring his sexuality is on his agenda, how long before he decides to do that with a better version of me?

The sun has long since disappeared behind a cloud, bathing the grounds in cool mid-afternoon shadow.Be so good that they can’t drop you.

I survey the empty field in-front of me. Swallow hard. A voice runs through my head.You’re not good enough.I know it was three years ago. I know he doesn’t remember. But there are times, late at night when I can’t sleep, when all I hear is his words in my mind.

It’s sick, Carter. Get some fucking help.

I unpack my bag. Grab a fresh ball. Reset the timers. I run another lap, then another, and then another. I keep running after the buzzer sounds, and I don’t stop.

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