Page 128 of Hits Different

I never knew that.

“All you ever want as a parent is for your child to be safe and happy. And for a long time, you were neither”. The wind wraps gently around me.

“It’s not like I haven’t put you through a lot over the last few years”.

“Donnie was saying how nice it was that you seemed so… settled. I thought it was Summit. Simon’s influence. Hell, maybe even MMA”. Her eyes scan me searchingly. “But I was wrong, wasn’t I?”

“It’s him”. I don’t need to say Brandon’s name. “And us, together. I feel happier. Safe”.

“I remember feeling like that”.

“When you first started seeing Donnie”. She’d come home later than usual, dressed a little nicer. The freshness of her perfume. How he’d made her laugh again. “He’s a good guy”.

“Yes, he is”, she says fondly. “But your father was too. He made me feel I could do anything. Even when I was pregnant and worrying about not being able to finish my degree, he was the one telling me that I could do it. Bringing ice-cream to the library in the middle of the night”.

“So, getting pregnant didn’t completely wreck your life?”I say, only half joking.

She looks genuinely shocked. “No! Why would you say that?”

“Come on, Mom”. I smile at her, even though I’m kicking hard under the surface. “You and Dad were basically teenagers when you had me. I know I wasn’t planned. I’m the reason you got married. If you hadn’t, then you would have gone on to study medicine, and he would have been a world-famous MMA fighter and been able to afford medical insurance and never would have…” I can’t bring myself to finish the sentence. When I look up, she’s staring at me in bewilderment.

“Sit”, she says, sounding almost faintly. “Honey, just sit down a second”.

I look around. “Where?”

“Just lean there”.

“On Dad’sheadstone?”

“He won’t mind”. I lean up against it and she leans next to me. “Your Dad and I met in our first year of college. Love at first sight. And right before we graduated, I found out that I was pregnant. I told him right away. In the communal hallway, actually, right outside his bedroom door”.

“What happened?”

“He ran”. She smiles. “And I thought, well, that’s it. He’s going to leave me, I’ll be raising this baby alone, and just as I’m about to start crying and packing everything up, guess what happened?”

My throat is too thick to speak.

“He came back with a ring. He’d had it in his sock drawer. He proposed straight away, so that I’d always know that he’d planned it the whole time and wasn’t just doing it because I was pregnant”. She smiles, her eyes brimming with warm tears. “He was a big softie. But he knew what he wanted. And that was us. You and me, and the life we were meant to have together”.

Something loosens in my chest.

“Your dad didn’t give up fighting because he was going to be a father. Being a fathersaved himfrom a life he didn’t want”.

“What do you mean?”

“Martial arts helped get him into college. Scholarships. Prize money. It was fun for him. Part of his culture. He never wanted to do it professionally. Your grandfather wanted him to, but when he found out he was going to be a dad, he gave it all up in a second. It was the excuse he needed”.

I can’t speak for a moment. My mom takes her hand in mind. “He would be really proud of you, Parker. And so am I”.

I tell her everything. Starting with how I never really wanted to go to college, and that I didn’t fit in when I was there. That I missed Brandon, and home, but didn’t really feel like I had a place. So I carved one out trying to emulate my dad. And in the midst of all of that, I got into a fight with my fraternity brothers by protecting a vulnerable girl.

And I never told anyone, because all the other shit in my life made it feel like it was impossible to be believed.

At some point, the sun goes down, but we’re both still talking. We have a lot to say. “And as for what comes next, Brandon says I can do what I want”.

“Brandon’s right”.

“I was offered an MMA contract. Three fights guaranteed”.

---