Page 119 of Hits Different

I stop. “What does that have to do with me?”

“I know you looked up to him”, Freddie says seriously. “But his experience won’t be yours. It’s a different league. A different team. And you’re a different player”.

“You don’t know what they’ll do to me”. It’s out of my mouth before I can stop it. "If I come out".

“I know what theyalreadydo to you. We’re on the same pitch, dumbass. I hear the chants, the jibes, all aimed at you because of your mom and dad. You still show up. You still win”.

I count off on my fingers. “Micky Holloway. First openly gay player in British football. Projected to be in the country’s starting eleven for the Euros until he did one too many interviews talking about what it meant to be a gay pioneer. He had a bad match, got benched, and was sold overseas before the end of the season”.

“That’s him. That’s not you”.

“Colton Piper. Came out after scoring the winning goal in the all-star league. His merchandise dropped through the floor. He had to close his social media. He was booed on the pitch by hisown fucking fans, Freddie”.

“I get it!” Freddie looks just as distressed as I do. He lowers his voice. “But for the first time in your life, you’re open to the possibility of letting someone actually love you, and you’re going to keep it secret? Because of what peoplemight say about it?”

I open my mouth, but he continues. “This block with your game? Tell me it’s not because deep down you’re hoping that if you don’t make it as a soccer player, then you get to be non-famous and can live a normal life with Parker”.

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.

“You’re in luck!” Jess reappears brightly. She looks between the two of us. “Special dispensation from the boss. He’s a fan”, she adds to me. I swallow, forcing a smile, as she takes out the ring and hands it to Freddie.

He gazes at it, turning it over in his hands. Something warm reaches out and touches my heart. Could this be me one day? Buying an engagement ring. Being half of a whole. Knowing that someone won’t walk away. I look at Freddie, and the sudden bulge in his throat. “I’m really getting married”, he murmurs.

“We’ll take it”, I say to Jess. I reach out and grab his shoulder. “Congratulations, my brother. I’m very, very happy for you”.

He grabs me and pulls me into a hug. “You have me. Reuben. Billy. The team. They all know. They don’t care”, Freddie says fiercely. “You understand? You’re stuck with us, Carter. We’ve got your back”.

I will not cry in public. I will not.

“So”, Jess says conversationally, as Freddie takes out his credit card to pay. “In honour of your buddy’s new engagement, how about the three of us get a drink to celebrate?”

“I’ve got a soccer trial”, Freddie says apologetically. He glances at me. Her meaning couldn’t be clearer.

“You got a trial too?” I shake my head, ignoring the sinking feeling in my stomach. “Excellent. Let’s get a drink. Just us”.

“I’m flattered”, I smile, “But I…”

“Let me guess. Girlfriend?”

“Boyfriend, actually”, I say suddenly. There’s a ringing in my ear, that grows softer as I carry on talking, “I’m gay. But very flattered”.

“Figures. The hot ones always are”.

Freddie’s hand closes around my shoulder. “Atta boy”. His eyes dart towards the window. His lips part suddenly. “Wait. That Mustang you mentioned? It wasn’t red, by any chance?”

I look up in surprise. “How’d you know?”

“Because there’s one just like it parked across the street”. Freddie squints, then recoils in shock. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. Isthatwho I think it is?” I cross over to join him, and stop in surprise.

“Dmitry Volchok”, I finish.

* * * *

“Get the fuck off me”, Volchok snarls, as I pin him against the wall next to his training ground. Freddie stands between us, blocking the view from reception. My reputation with the scouts is precarious enough, without them witnessing me getting into a fight at try-outs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about”.

“The hell you don’t”, I push my face against his, “I recognise your car, Volchok. You followed me, took pictures, and posted them. Do you really dislike me that much that you’d go out of your way to fuck up my whole life?”

“Dislikeyou?” Volchok almost laughs, “Are you kidding? I hate you, Carter”.

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