Page 115 of Hits Different

“Not just me”. A flash passes between us. We both could have done better by Brandon over the years. “But I accept him for who he is. That’s the difference”.

All the air rushes from the room. The Senator sits down heavily. His hand twitches against the knot of his tie. “I wasn’t in a good place on that trip. I certainly don’t blame him for keeping my wife’s affair a secret. He was just a kid”.

Politicians, I think,are good liars.

“My proudest moment as a father was when Brandon trusted me enough to finally tell me who he really is. His sexuality has never been an issue between us. Ever”.

I blink, “You knew he was gaybeforehe told you?”

“Of course I knew, Parker. You think I don’t know my own son?” He runs his hands through his hair. “I knew before he came out, which incidentally, was right after you had done what I knew you’d do, and broke his heart”.

The ways this man can twist things to make them my fault should be put in a textbook and studied. “I found him the morning after he’d been out with you all night. Broken. I don’t know what happened between the two of you, but I can guess”. He enunciates every word. “It shattered him. You shattered him”.

Do not punch Brandon’s dad. Do not punch Brandon’s dad. Do not punch Brandon’s dad.

“Brandon knows the truth”, I don’t want to get into the Millie of it all right now. “And let’s be honest, your dislike of me goes a lot further back than that night”.

“Because I knew how Brandon felt about you, and I knew you didn’t feel the same way”. The Senator lowers his voice, “Parker, trust me on this. The worst, most violently traumatic experience in the world is to love someone who doesn’t love you back”.

I glance down at the Senator’s autobiography in my hands. It’s open at a picture of him and Brandon’s mom. He’s staring at her in complete adoration, and she’s looking right at the camera. “I didn’t want that for him. I still don’t”.

“But that’s the thing”, I say softly. “I do. Love him back”.

That stops him. He opens his mouth then closes it again. I press forward, “How do you explain not talking to him for two years?”

“Hehasn’t spoken tome”, Brandon’s father says sharply. “He doesn’t need me”.

“Bullshit”.

“I’ll remind you again who you’re speaking to”.

“An absentee dad who’s using his kid as a human shield?”

“I was ashamed, ok?” the Senator slams his hand on the desk. “I knew I’d let him down. I wasn’t the father he needed me to be. I let his mother call too many of the shots. She had a very precise view of what she wanted her life to be. And she didn’t love him. It doesn’t make her a bad person. But she didn’t want him, and she found it harder and harder to hide. I should have compensated for it”.

I bite back my response. My instinct is to dismiss it, but he’s struck a chord. I think about Drue and Danny. How I’d hidden myself from their life. What was that, if not someone knowing he wasn’t living up to an example. “He writes to you. You don’t reply”.

“What? No, he doesn’t. I’ve been writing to him!” The Senator looks smaller than he did a second ago. “I called him after the holiday. It wouldn’t connect. Okay, fine. He needed some time to cool off. But then he didn’t come home for Christmas, so I wrote. I emailed. He never responded”.

“That can’t be right. I’ve seen his emails. He’s sent you hundreds”.

“Parker, you don’t need to protect him”.

“I do, actually, but that’s not what’s happening”. This doesn’t make any sense. “Who else has access to your email account?”

“Just my staff. My wife, probably”.

“Winston?”

“Until recently”, his eyes narrow. “You can’t possibly think he had something to do with this. What motive?”

“You first. Why did you recently revoke his email access?”

The Senator sits down heavily. “There have been suggestions over the years that having an LGBT son might be difficult politically. I always dismissed it. Brandon never showed much interest in politics anyway. But times have changed. It wouldn’t be problematic now, in-fact if anything…” he trails off.

“What?”

He looks like he’s about to respond, then remembers who he’s talking to and closes his mouth again. “Nothing. It’s for me to deal with”.

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