Page 109 of Hits Different

I stand up, “I love you, Mom. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me", She raises a hand but I continue, “I know you gave up a lot to have me, and I’ve let you down. But this is what I’m doing. I’ll live with the consequences. It’s my life to build up or burn to the ground”.

“Then burn it down”. She turns her back, leaning heavily against the mantle. “But you’ll do it without me watching. I swear to God, Parker. If it’s not constant worry, it’s inevitable disappointment”.

She didn’t mean that, kiddo.

Yes, Dad. She did.

You can’t let this get to you. You knew it would be like this.

“You haven’t been watching for a while. Let’s be honest”.

“So this is my fault?!” Mom whips round on Donnie. “You hear that, Donnie? It’s our fault. For wanting our son to have a good education. A career. A future”.

“There are different ways to be happy and successful. Different people need different things. Dad understood that”.

“Your father would be ashamed”.

That stops me. Donnie holds up his hands. “Maria. Please”.

Tears spring to my eyes. My throat is suddenly very thick. This trick has worked in the past. But this time she’s wrong. Over her shoulder, sitting in the corner of the boxing ring, my dad shakes his head at me.You know better, kid.

My mom leans heavily against the mantle over the fireplace. She raises her head, and her eyes catch mine in the mirror. “Go with love, then”.

I slide the flyer out from my jacket pocket. Unfold it and lay it on the coffee table. She still doesn’t turn around. “Here are the details. I’d love it if you both would come”.

A long silence stretches out between us. The door calls to me, invitingly. In two hours I can be back with Brandon. Eventually, Donnie pierces the quiet.

“You said there were two things that you needed to tell us”. He looks between my mom and I. “What was the second thing?”

* * * *

Obviously, I don’t tell them the second thing.

The second thing is miles away, probably balancing a soccer ball between his feet wearing a soft cotton hoodie that’s a size too big, pushing his quiff back as he bites his lip in a way that’s completely fucking adorable and makes my legs feel weak.

I don’t stay the night. I grab my bag and jump back in my car. A tap on the driver’s window startles me. Donnie gestures for me to roll down the window.Here comes the lecture.

“I know”, I hold up my hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disrupt your whole night”.

“I thought you presented your argument very clearly”, Donnie holds up a clingfilmed plate of chicken and rice. “Leftovers. For the drive”.

“Oh. Thanks”, I say in surprise. I stash it on the passenger seat. “So, you’re on my side?”

“I wouldn’t go that far”, he smiles. “But you’re an adult. It’s your decision. And despite everything that’s happened in the last few years, you seem calmer, more confident, more assured than I’ve ever known you. That counts for something”.

“Guess I’m growing up”.

“I told my parents that too, once. When I was much older than you. Truth was, I was in love”. Donnie smiles. We never really talk like this. Normally we’re strictly surface level. “With your mother, obviously. And she sets a high standard. Hard woman to please”.

“You’re telling me”.

The early evening summer breeze picks up leaves, drops them again. I should just put my car in drive and leave. I should. “Have you seen much of Brandon?”

That’s one way of putting it.

“Uh yeah. A bit”.

“He’s been getting some attention recently”, Donnie adjusts my wing mirror. “Those stories are ridiculous. Tell him so from me. Keep his head up”.

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