Page 107 of Hits Different

I still can’t believe my debut fight is gonna be against that badass motherfucker. And that my old team, if you can even call them that, are going to be cornering him. I’ve been watching as much old footage of him as I can find. This isn’t going to be easy.

Zara’s got a gameplan. Most of it seems to be surviving until the last round, when he tires himself out. It’s crazy, how much my life has changed in less than a couple of months.

Still, I wanted this. I’m choosing it. And you can’t be scared about your choices. Any of them.

Especially ones like Brandon.

He’s basically been in lockdown all week, emerging only for training. The talk hasn’t gone away. Only about him. Nothing about me. I feel like I’ve gotten away with a crime that I didn’t even commit.

Simon reports that security have kicked out a couple more journalists. There were some paparazzi waiting outside the gates one afternoon. That’s why we’ve gone the week without seeing each other.

That, and the fact I’ve been at Zara’s from dawn to dusk. She’s brought in training partners to help me. My whole body is scuffed from head to toe, but it’ll be worth it.

Tonight is my one night off.

“You’re quiet”. Donnie hands me the placemats to set the table. “It’s unnerving, Parker”.

I’m doing what I always do in family gatherings. Trying to make myself helpful and invisible at the same time. Ever since my mom remarried, it’s like I’ve been a stranger in my own family.

In the dining room, there’s a new addition to the shelf of photographs. I know it’s petty, but I can’t help but count the photographs in the gallery wall. 12 of Daniel. 9 of Drue. And 2 of me, if you include the family shot from the wedding. The other one is my first day of school.

My mom took the picture, and my dad was lurking behind her, pulling funny faces, making me laugh.

Watching my mom with Donnie, and her two other kids, it’s hard not to think that this is the life she should have had. She never talks about my dad. I’ve spent many nights wondering just how much she regrets him. Regrets me.

She’s rebuilt the perfect life, the perfect family that she had never had before.I can’t even blame her. Not now I’m older than they were when they became parents.

I get it, I want to tell her.I’d regret having me too.

No sooner have we sat down than Drue and Danny start hitting me with rapid fire questions. “Guys, let your brother catch his breath”. Donnie shoots an apologetic smile at me. Like I’m suddenly going to be overwhelmed by the prospect of spending time with my own siblings. Half siblings.Whatever.

“It’s totally fine”. I take all the questions in turn. “Yes, there are girls at work but no, I don’t have a girlfriend. I make just enough money to spring for these”, I produce a stash of soccer-themed candies from my bag which Danny snatches up like they’re gold dust, “And a million per cent yes, we can go to the mall next time I’m home”.

“Sweet!” Drue opens her little clutch purse, flashing me a sight of some Benjamins. “I just got my allowance”.I let out a low whistle. She’s probably got more cash on her than I have.

I shouldn’t be jealous of a small child, obviously. And I know Donnie makes a ton of money with his construction business. But let’s be real. When I was her age, I was checking the slot machines for loose change. Not stashing a couple of hundreds in a designer purse.

“She’s just excited”, Donnie says to me. “She missed her big brother”.Across from me, my mom takes another sip of wine.

It wasn’t my choice not to be here.I focus on my chicken and rice. I don’t have to try very hard to let the reason for my absence overpower the room. “Did you know we were going on vacation?” Danny asks, between bites.I feel my phone vibrate silently against my thigh.Brandon, I think hopefully.

I nod, mouth full of chicken.

“To Green Falls”, Drue continues, and my heart stops. My mom keeps her eyes focused firmly on her plate.

Green Falls is where my dad and I used to go camping. My mom hated it. Sure, we didn’t own the place. But taking her new family there feels like a violation, and worse still, she knows it. She can’t look at me, and I don’t want to look at her.

It’s just something else that once belonged to me that’s now been overwritten by someone else. But to say it would confirm what everyone thinks. Parker’s making trouble. Parker’s making a fuss.

“That’s great”. And I pour myself another drink.

* * * *

Later, in the living room, I tell them.

Donnie nods along, interrupting once or twice to ask a question. My mother remains perfectly still. Stoic. I’m not fooled. I’ve been on this side of the couch long enough to know when she’s restraining a reaction.

“Parker, I understand that MMA is important to you”, Donnie looks to my mother for a steer. “I’m just surprised that you’ve still been pursuing this. Without telling us”.

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