Page 106 of Hits Different

“Simon’s thinking about redeploying her to security”.

Absently, I check my social media page. I set my mentions to private. I’ve been in the orbit of enough scandal to know the drill by now. Keep your mouth shut, carry on as normal. Never complain, never explain.

“Nobody can tell that it’s you”, I say for the third time.

There’s only one grainy picture where we’re holding hands, and another where we’re kissing. His back is turned to the camera both times. No visible tattoos. No discernible marks. The pictures almost went out of their way to focus directly on me.

The pause stretches down the telephone line. “People know we’re close. That we hang out. So, some people will know”. I know he’s picturing all the people in his life getting together to whisper about him. “My mom could probably tell”.

“You could deny it”.

“Deny you? Never”, he says softly. “I know your coming out wasn’t traditional. But…is it, I mean…”

“You and I would have different experiences”, I say, carefully. “Our families are different. Our friendship circles are different. You’re bisexual, and bi-phobia is real, as well as homophobia. You’d have to deal with things that I wouldn’t”.

“I don’t give a fuck about what people think”.

“I know. It’s one of the reasons I like you so much. I’m not blind to the fact that I don’t have to worry about a lot of things that other kids do. I’m grown. I’ve got a high school education, and nearly a full college one. I’m not going to be homeless. I can earn my own money. I can look after myself, if I have to. So can you”, I pause, “But everything’s relative”.

I flashback to my dad bursting into my bedroom, the night after the party. How his gaze had flipped from my sobbing shoulders to the words on the computer screen. And how he had held me. “The first time can be hard. But after that, not so much”.

“What do you mean thefirst time?”

“You don’t come out just once. You do it for the rest of your life”. I inhale.Or you don’t. And you hope that’s enough.“But it gets easier. The toughest person to come out to is yourself. If you’re okay with you, then that can be enough. More than enough”.

“I’m more than okay with me”, Parker says. “I guess I just wanted to do it on my own terms”.

It infuriates me that there are people out there who’d want to take this moment away from him. And as much as I’d love for us to save each other, I can’t put someone else through what I went through. Especially not Parker.

“It might be best”, I swallow the tremor in my voice. “If you and I cool things a bit. Just for a little while”.

“We’ve only just started seeing each other”. Parker murmurs. “You’re over there. Not here in bed with me”.

“Just from being seen together. Until things die down”.

“It’s not like we’re breaking up”.

“Never”.

He swallows. “I’m not ashamed of us. Of you. Of us together. I just need to tell people in my life properly. On my own terms. Not because some dickhead with a camera phone decides to mess with us”.

A part of me wants to give him the Us Against the World speech. But this is real life. And as much as I’d love to tell him to fuck the world, I don’t have any right to ask that from him. Especially if I’m not prepared to say it myself.

“I get it. I know how it is. Let’s just, keep some distance until things blow over”. I flick my light off just before he opens his curtains. I catch his face pressed against the glass, looking out over the courtyard.

“It’s not like we’re breaking up”, he says again.

Chapter 41

Home Truths

Parker

My mom and I haven’t spoken since our fight at the start of the summer, but with my first match suddenly days away, I want to make things right. I want her to know about Brandon. I want her to know about MMA.

I want her to knowme.

Preferably before Tank Hudson brutalises me inside a steel cage.

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