Page 38 of Speed

“Yeah, I feel pretty crummy. Good game, son. Love you. See you next Sunday for the big Mittens birthday celebration.” Dad blew me a kiss, then ambled off, sneezing and coughing as he went.

Pops turned the phone to face him as he sat back. A cat with a pink nose leapt into his lap. Dogs could be heard snuffling about in the background.

“Your da is feeling the sickness.” Pops sighed as he ran a hand over Mittens sleek white back. “I am most over it now. Just the fast nose.”

“Good. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

He gave me that look. The one parents give you when they know you’re not really yourself, but you’re trying hard to hide it.

“What is wrong?” Pops asked. I smiled a big fake smile. The urge to make something up was strong. I was a grown man now, almost twenty-two. When did running to your parents with every little problem stop? “I can feel the sadness in your face. It is long like horse, but not rubbery like horse, just long.”

It all just came flowing out in a mad rush like a levee breaking. “I met this guy, and we hit it off like really fast, and then, we did shit, and then, he freaked out because he’s never been with another dude before, and then, I was like fine, whatever, fuck you even though he kind of stuck with me long afterward, but then, he showed up at the practice rink, said all kinds of shit about wanting to talk and kiss more, and so did I, so we did–kiss and more, and then, we sort of had a moment, you know?–and I thought we had some sort of little breakthrough, and then, we were going to meet up here, but then, he was spotted–He’s kind of famous–and then, when he got mobbed he fell back into his run-and-gun flight response, which I get because he’s scared of being outed; I mean, yeah, that’s scary, but he totally bolted on me, jumped on a train, and is going to his brother’s or some shit, and I’m just like, am I doing the right thing, Pops?”

My father stared at me for several seconds as he ran that endless sentence through his mental translator.

“Well, son, that is big rough question. If this man is scared of coming out to world, then that is viable reason for being afraid of many consequence. Is he fellow athlete?”

“He was; he just retired.”

“How old is this man?!”

“Like twenty-seven or something.”

“Oh, that is very young for retiring. Is he having health problems?”

“I don’t know. Not that he said. I know he has a grandfather who is a total bastard, and before you say it, I know we’re supposed to respect our elders, but some old people don’t deserve respect, Pops.”

He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I know this to be true so I will not chastise you for calling old person bastard. I think that maybe if you are feeling so hurt you should discuss your hurt with this man. I wish only for you to not be hurt so right now. I am thinking to find this man and shove my Stanley Cup paddle up his butthole.”

“Ouch,” I whispered weakly. Pops smiled a little. “No, I get it. You’re right. I think he’s just so damned scared about the fallout of telling the world that he’s bi. Thank you for being such cool parents.”

“Well, being cool is what I am most famous for. I am glad you are happy child who grows into well-round man. That is all your father and I ever wish for all of our children. To be happy and living in your truth.”

“Yeah, thanks for that, too. I think I need to just get some sleep. Maybe things will look better in the morning.”

“Yes, as Mama would say, the first pancake is always lumpy.”

Yep, she did say that. “Thanks, Pops, it’s nice to have someone to talk to about this.”

“Of course, Noah, Pops is always here for you. Now, go sleep. Keep healthy. And talk to the man who is running scared. A dog in the hay will not eat it, but will sleep in the manger to keep others from eating it. That is old saying. Very old. I am not sure what matters is making here, but any dog saying is a good one. Spokoynoy nochi.”

“Goodnight, Pops.”

The screen went black. I stared at the ceiling for a long, long time before sending a text to Brody. I hoped it was the right thing to send.

Feeling your fears deep in my heart. See you when I get home. - N

THIRTEEN

Brody

The code wasn’t working.I punched it in again, the worn buttons clicking under my fingers. Nothing. Just that stubborn little beep telling me to try one more time. The code for the gate had worked fine, but this one? Of course not.

I sighed, dragging a hand down my face. The last thing I wanted to do was call Logan at one in the morning to let me in. He had to be asleep. My other option? Sleeping in the secondhand SUV I’d bought yesterday. The same SUV that was supposed to give me anonymity so I could slip into the parking at the arena unnoticed and be at the game unseen.

And look howthatwent.

So here I was, stuck outside my brother’s house after my face ended up plastered across the goddamn Jumbotron at the hockey game in Atlanta.

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