Page 54 of Always You

“I knew you would. Hang on…” she said, and I got a notification. “I sent you another link to this other cat I follow. His name is Charlie, and he’s so stinking cute!”

We chatted for a few minutes about cats, school, and the fact she was going on a movie date the next day. Her boyfriend’s name was Alex, and she’d been seeing him for a couple of months. Also, she said it was cool that we both liked guys named Alex. Also, would it be okay if this kid, Alex, came with her next week to visit me?

“You’d want him to meet me?” I couldn’t quite believe it.

“Of course, I need you to do the dad thing where you intimidate him.” She,” she laughed.

“But I’m not…”Whole? Fixed? Right?

“Not what?”

“Fixed,” I offered.

“You’re my hero, and I want him to meet you.”

I tilted my chin and pushed my shoulders back. I was her hero? “I love you, Harper.”

“I love you more, Dad.” Someone called her name, and her voice was muffled as she covered the phone and then returned. “I have to go, Dad. Breakfast!”

“Go, I’ll see you and this Alex kid next week.”

“We’ll be there.”

“We could go out and get pizza.”

“We’d like that. You could bringyourAlex.”

I lied, “I will,” and we ended the call. After what I'd just done, Alex wouldn’t want to come to any double-date pizza thing.

I owed Alex an apology.

I wasn’t going to run.

We needed to talk.

I counted back from a hundred, desperate to calm the storm inside me, but restlessness seized me around seventy-three. Pushing off the bed, I went to the door and yanked it open. Alex toppled from where he’d been sitting right outside, against it.

He scrambled to his feet, his eyes wide, filled with a panicked urgency. “I can’t let you leave,” he shouted, steadying himself and lowering his voice. “I mean, you can leave. I can’t stop you, but please, Jazz, don’t give up. Please stay.”

Without a word, I tugged him inside and shut the door behind us. My heart was thumping in my ears, drowning out the eerie silence of the hallway we’d left behind. “Where’s Rascal?” I asked, sudden fear of the kitten’s well-being piercing through the fog of my troubles.

“Marcus has him,” Alex replied, his voice steadier now, but thick with emotion. “He’s fine, I promise.”

I reached for him, gripping his arms as I searched his face for any sign he might retract his words and leave me to my spiraling thoughts. “Please don’t stop loving me,” I pleaded, my words spilling out raw and honest.

Alex’s expression softened, and he tugged me close, wrapping his arms around me. “I couldn’t even if I tried, Jazz. I’m not going anywhere,” he murmured into my hair. The warmth of his body and the sincerity in his voice anchored me, pulling back the tide of panic and despair that had threatened to drag me under.

Alex’s arms tightened around me, drawing me even closer, and for a moment, everything else faded away. It was just the two of us, the weight of my sleeping fears lessening in the safety of his embrace. He leaned back, his eyes searching mine for a moment.

Then, he kissed me. It was soft and hesitant at first, but as I responded, the kiss deepened, driven by all the unspent emotions and the relief of having him so close. My hands carded his hair, and I lost myself in the familiarity of his lips on mine.

The kiss meant everything. It was an affirmation, a promise, and a relief all rolled into one.

Breathless and dazed, Alex rested his forehead against mine. “I’m here,” he whispered, his breath warm against my lips. “We’re here.”

In that moment, the past and the future seemed to merge into the present, where all that mattered was this connection, this incredible feeling of being understood and loved despite everything. My brain might send me back to the horrors of what I’d seen and done, but Alex would always be there to bring me back, and he didn’t hate me for doing it.

“What if the nightmares never go away, and I hurt you?”

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