Page 53 of Always You

“It’s not okay,” he said, his voice husky.

I wriggled closer to him, setting Rascal down on the bed now that he was calmer. “I’m here, Jazz. It’s over; you’re here with me,” I reassured him with a light touch on his arm.

Jazz finally looked at me, his eyes haunted. “I hurt you.”

“No harm done. We’re both okay,” I confirmed, trying to offer a comforting smile. “Let’s try to get some sleep, okay? I’m here. You’re safe.”

He rolled out of bed, stumbling as he grabbed onto the bookcase for support, which wobbled dangerously under his weight

“No,” he said to himself, then louder. “No.”

And before I could stop him, he was gone.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

JAZZ

I staggeredout of Alex’s room, my breath ragged, my heart hammering as the chill of the hallway seeped through my thin shirt. Panic clawed at me, fierce and unrelenting. I couldn’t shake the vivid images from the nightmare, nor the horrifying reality of how I had nearly hurt Alex—reallyhurt him.

My feet led me to my room, where I struggled to unlock the door before finally slipping inside to safety. Without hesitation, I headed straight for the closet, grabbing the duffel bag tucked away on the shelf. My hands shook as I tossed it onto the bed, the sound of clinking zippers breaking the silence.

I started to pack, but my movements became slower and more hesitant. Each piece of clothing felt heavy in my hands. I wasn’t just packing fabric. I was packing up a life that might have been. The empty cardboard box in the corner, which had once been a cozy nest for Rascal and his siblings, stood as a stark reminder of things left behind, a warmth that had filled my days for a short time.

The fight drained out of me as I slumped to the bed. My head was a mess, thoughts swirling with images of Alex’s face contorted with pain—pain that I had caused. Was I kiddingmyself by thinking I could stay here? Stay with him? The fear of causing him more harm gnawed at me, a constant ache.

At least out there in numbing cold, I couldn’t hurt anyone.

Harper would be so disappointed I gave up.

I felt lost in the silence of my room. The weight of what could happen if my nightmares bled further into reality was crushing. How could I justify staying when I might one day not wake up in time? When my confusion might not clear before I did real damage?

The thought of leaving felt like tearing a part of myself away. Alex and Guardian Hall had become more than just a place to stay; they were a chance at redemption, at a life worth living, and Harper had revisited, saying she was proud of me.

Could I walk away from that because I was scared? Let my daughter down? Let Alex down? All because ghosts of my past wouldn’t let me go.

No decisions felt right, each heavy with regret. I buried my face in my hands, the bedspread fabric rough against my skin, and tried to imagine a future where fear didn’t dictate my choices. But the only clear thought that cut through the turmoil was Alex’s steadying and kind voice: “You’re safe; you’re here with me.”

At that moment, I didn’t move. I couldn’t. The thought of leaving was abandoning hope itself, and despite the fear of what might happen, the idea of not trying to overcome it, of not attempting to build something with Alex, seemed like a greater loss. I needed to find a way to stay, to fight through the nightmares, and to ensure they never again spilled over into the waking world. I needed to believe I could be better for Harper. For Alex. For me.

But I ran from Alex.

I left him.

He’ll hate me for running.

I scrambled for my phone, reading the last message Harper had sent me—a link to a video with the latest Marley and Pumpkin video—two cats that were so vocal it never failed to make me smile.

Jazz:I love you, Harper

I didn’t expect an answer, but instead, my phone vibrated with a call, and Harper’s name flashed up.

“Dad?” she asked, and I hated to hear the fear in her voice.

“Hey, you’re up early,” I said after a pause.

“Are you okay?”

“I loved the new cat video you sent,” I exclaimed.

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