Page 7 of Roommate's Guide to Love

“Quinn!” Hargrove hisses. “Pull yourself together.”

“I can’t,” I say between laughing fits. “She thinks she can just come in here, snap her fingers, and ban me from teaching an acclaimed and award-winning book that I’ve been teaching for years? How can you not be laughing? They’re ridiculous.”

I laugh for another minute, I think I even slap my knee once or twice, but when I’m finally able to calm myself down, I realize that I’m the only one laughing.

“Quinn, you’re teaching a book about murder? This wasn’t in your lesson plan.”

I look over to my principal, who apparently has never actuallyreada lesson plan that I’ve been forced to turn in every week for twelve years.

“It’s not a book about murder,” I defend. “And it’s on there. Every year. You should know that.”

“But a man is murdered!” Regina speaks up. “I read it last year!”

I don’t make a point that two of her other kids already read it. Pretty much because Monica speaks up before I can.

“I refuse to have my precious Makayla read a book about such a gruesome act of violence.”

I shoot a look to Monica. “Really? Ever watchedThe Lion King? OrBambi? Last I checked that was all about the murder.”

“Ladies!” Hargrove interjects. “Before this gets out of control, let’s get back to the topic at hand.”

“Yes, thank you, Principal,” Taylor says, clearly needing to reinsert herself as the Head Bitch in Charge. “We in the Parents Ending the New Indoctrination of Students?—”

“P.E.N.I.S.” I say, which of course earns me three dirty looks.

Worth it.

“As I was saying,” Taylor continues. “We feel that a book like this is just too violent for our darling babies to be reading. And we are demanding that Miss Banks not teach it.”

Okay, I’ve had it. “Do you know anything about this book? And I’m not talking about the generic plot that you asked Alexa about or the likely bad skim reading Regina says she did last year. Do you know anything at all about this book?”

“We know all we need to,” Monica says.

“Of course, because y’all know everything,” I say sarcastically. “It’s an award-winning book. It’s been taught by me and others for decades. And just in my experience, the students love it. It gets them reading. It gets their minds curious. There are life lessons in every book, including this one. Older brothers and sisters tell their younger siblings about this book, and it’s the thing they can’t wait for each year. What’s so bad about that?”

“Murder is a life lesson?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! He’s not even fucking dead!” Spoiler alert for the book, but it’s not like this group is ever going to read it.

“Quinn. Language.”

I look over to my principal, who at this point I wish would say something in my defense. “I’m sorry, but this is ridiculous.”

“Is it though?” she asks. “Maybe there’s another book you can consider?”

My eyes go wide, and I’m pretty sure I stop breathing. “Really? I’ve been teaching this for years with literally no complaints. Every one of Regina’s children has read it, and sheneverspoke up about it until now. Though at that time she didn’t have any P.E.N.I.S. in her life. Maybe that’s the difference.”

Yes I know the double meaning of the dig. I don’t know if Regina does though.

“That’s not true,” Regina stammers out. Okay, maybe she did. “All of my children complained every day! Justin especially.”

“Really?” I highly doubt that. For example, Justin, her son I had last year, was a good kid. Decent student. But he didn’t love reading or English, which is normal for sixth grade boys. But I remember him getting more and more excited every day we read a little more. And if my memory serves me correctly, her other two children were just as excited. “What did he complain about?”

“Well…he…I don’t remember specifics. But I know he felt forced to read it.”

I let out a groan. “Every kid is technically forced to read in school. It’s called lessons.”

“Quinn,” Hargrove interrupts. “Since this is anoptionallesson that you’re teaching, and given that it might not have the best subject choice, maybe we can pivot. Come to a compromise that will work for everyone’s liking?”

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