Page 74 of Reed

A prickly lump gathers in my throat, and I struggle to swallow the vomit rearing its ugly head. “Oh God, Owen. It’s bad.” A sob lodges in my chest. “So fucking bad.”

“Reed, fucking speak to me now!”

“She’s seen the contract with Fanzio,” I cry out, and a stabbing sensation lances through my chest. She thinks I wanted custody of Jax. That I was going to take him from her.

“What?” Owen booms back. “What the fuck? You said this was under control.”

Despair ravishes through me, and I sink to the floor. My body shudders as an icy chill takes over me at the way I’ve betrayed her when I promised her the best of me. “I know.” Realization that I’ve destroyed her, destroyed us, flashes through me, and I struggle to breathe, knowing how badly I fucked up. I hurt her, and ultimately, Bryce and Jax too.

Oh shit, my heart squeezes tightly, and I rest my palm over it, willing it to slow down as I squeeze my eyes closed.

My son will grow up hating me. He will think I’m a deadbeat like my father and won’t know how much I love him and his brother. How his momma is my world. He’s going to fucking hate me.

Jesus, what the hell have I done?

“I know. I fucked up. Please fucking help, me, Owen.” I swipe the snot from my nose as I hiccup through my tears. “Help me figure this shit out.” It feels like someone has stamped on my heart and ripped it from my chest, leaving me open, exposed, and ultimately, useless. “Please,” I beg.

He sighs heavily. “I got you, man.”

I can hear him moving around and the sound of keys as I stare at the paper in my hand. The same paper I willingly signed not so long ago.

Just what the hell was I thinking? What sort of person was I to do this? She deserves better than me, they all do. Maybe they’re better off without me in their lives. A dull ache throbs inside me as my emotions flow from me like a river. Devastation isn’t something I’ve ever felt before, but this has to be what I’m feeling now.

Jesus, what I would give to hold her in my arms and tell her I’m sorry. I want to tell her I love her and our little Jax, that Bryce is the best son in the world and I love him like my own because he is my own. He’s a part of me because he’s a part of Jax and her.

I love them, and I never got to tell them.

Such a fucking dick.

I stare down at the floor, and memory after crushing memory hits me.

My son opening his eyes for the first time, and the way his small hands ball into a fist as he feeds from his momma.

The way Bryce snuggles up to me at night while I cradle Jax, and the way Gia rests on my chest, stroking over my heart while I tell her she’s my little thief.

“Fuck,” I choke out, and push away the tears.

Will my sons hate me like I spent years hating my father?

Somehow, I push off the floor and make my way upstairs and into our bedroom. As I slip inside the sheets, I inhale her peachy scent, then close my eyes, curl up in a ball, and let myself cry like a damn baby, wishing for nothing more than to turn the clock back. An animalistic wail erupts from my chest, and I cling to her pillow, wishing I could be the man I wanted to be and the one I became, if only for a little while longer.

CHAPTERFORTY-FOUR

REED

“Dude.You need to get the hell up; you can’t stay in here forever.” Tate’s voice cuts through the blurry haze I’m living in. It’s been three days since she left, three days I haven’t seen my son, not even on FaceTime. Not so much as a damn text to tell me they’re all okay, and while I should be mad at that, I don’t blame her.

I miss them and the chaos of the house. The familiar smell of peaches surrounding Gia and the way Jax’s soft hair tickles my nostrils when I bury my nose in his hair, committing his scent to memory. Yet all of it feels like so long ago already, and I can’t smell either of them anymore. No matter how hard I try, they’re not there. It’s like they never have been.

The pain of their absence is paralyzing.

“I just want my babies back, Tate.” I sniffle, and he shifts from side to side.

Owen tracked Tyson’s phone to the airport, but only he boarded a plane back to his base, while Gia and the kids are fuck knows where.

“I know, man, come on. You need to eat something at least and shower too. You fucking stink.” He scrunches his nose. “She can’t stay away forever. She’s pissed.”

“I know that,” I snap. “I fucking know that because I did that. I promised I wouldn’t hurt her, and I destroyed her.” I shake my head and stab my finger into my chest as I become louder with each word.

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