Page 6 of Praise Me: Soldier

“Funny enough, your lunch outing made me think…”

“It did? How?” I say, wide-eyed.

“Because I went to your desk to ask you a question and you weren’t there.” She laughs, as if this is the funniest thing she’s ever experienced. “It made me realize how many times you’ve worked through your lunch break. Sad, really. But productive.”

What a hoot. “Thanks. Uh. Yes, well…”

“And it got me thinking, that kind of dedication should be rewarded with opportunity.” She leaves that statement hanging in the air, for dramatic suspense, I guess. “I’m going to let you present a campaign to Yerbi on Friday.”

“You’re…what?”

I’m not horny anymore.

I’m frozen. A deer in headlights.

“You heard me,” chuckles Elsa, taking a long sip of her flavored seltzer. “I want to get some new blood into the boardroom. See if we can tackle our slump with youth and synergy.”

“We’re in a slump?”

“Eh, it’s minor.” She glances back over both shoulders. “Yerbi didn’t like what I came up with for their fall baby food flavor campaign and you know what? It probably did suck. I hate babies.” She shrugs. “Anyway, they requested someone new on their project, and I thought, why not July Newsom?”

“Because July Newsom has a fear of public speaking.”

“There’s only one way to get over that.”

“Klonopin?”

“No, silly. Speaking publicly. A lot. Starting Friday.” She pats my cheek. “Better to have you fail than me, I always say.”

Elsa sails off in a condescending cloud of Opium by YSL before I have the chance to tell her I can’t do the presentation. That I will have a panic attack if positioned in front of enough people. I’m a background person. I’m quiet. I like doing the grunt work and letting someone else take the glory. That’s what I’ve been doing up until now. Setting up ideas for Elsa to knock down. Isn’t everyone in the office comfortable with that, too? I’m treated like the cute but dorky assistant who doesn’t know how the world works.

I might not be happy in that role, but I’m comfortable in it.

I return to my desk in a daze.

A double daze.

When I get there, my co-worker, Dierdre, is sitting in my chair, looking exasperated. “There you are!” she exclaims, pushing out of the chair. “Why didn’t you show up for your date with Kevin?”

Oh my gosh, I’ve been so wrapped up in my indecent thoughts, I forgot that I’d eventually have to explain my absence at the coffee date. “It’s kind of a funny story.”

She curls her upper lip at me. “Kevin doesn’t think it’s funny. He waited for half an hour.”

I wince. “To be fair, I was actually there. At the café.”

“Youwere?” Her mouth hangs open a moment. “You didn’t think he was cute?”

Do I tell her the truth? I have to give some explanation or she’ll think I’m just a flake. An abbreviated version, however, because…I’m still processing whatactuallyhappened. And maybe I want to keep it to myself. “I sat down at the wrong table. With the wrong guy.”

No, he was the right one, whispers my brain.

Despite the fact that he came in his pants.At the table.

What is wrong with me?

Dierdre is still slack jawed. “Only you, July. I swear, you’re too green for your own good. Why didn’t you get up when you realized it was the wrong dude?”

“He was…it was…” I swallow hard. “I can’t really explain it. We started talking and I found out he recently returned from overseas. I guess you had to be there,” I finish lamely.

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