Page 56 of Vicious Hearts

I slide my eyes towards her sitting across the other side of the seat. She is so beautiful it makes my heart stutter. The thought of leaving her here is not one I’ve come to terms with. I don’t know what I’d do without Ariadne in my life. I’ve gotten so used to her the past couple of months, it’s hard for me to remember what life was like before her.

“She’s an extraordinary woman,” she says. Ariadne. Fangirling. That’s not something one sees every day.

“You going to take the job?”

“Are you going back to Guatemala?”

I give her a small shake of my head. I don’t like it when she answers my questions with one of her own.

“What will you do?”

I’m surprised that she’s interested to know. It gives me hope that she cares enough to want to keep tabs on me. Maybe she’d even answer my calls if I picked up the phone and tried to contact her. Perhaps she’d come to visit if I asked nicely. If I was honest with myself, I didn’t know how long I’d be able to go without seeing or talking to her.

“I’m going out to sea for a while.”

I don’t add that I’m hoping she’ll come with me. She raises her eyes in surprise, like it’s the last thing she expected.

“For how long?”

“Sounds like someone’s going to miss me.”

I shoot her a smirk, my mouth curling up the way I know she likes.

She surprises me when she asks if I’ll be back. I thought she wanted nothing more than to be rid of me. But she’s asking questions that make me think she cares, questions that she wouldn’t have necessarily asked a couple of weeks ago.

“Do you want me to come back?” I ask.

She shrugs shyly, a soft blush creeping up her neck. She’s trying her hardest to act nonchalant, but she’s failing miserably. She cares just as much as I do. She can deny it all she wants, but she and I are intertwined in a way that few people are. In a way that few people ever could be.

52

ARIADNE

Being back in Seattle has me out of sorts. I’ve done everything I can to fit back into my old life, but it’s like I’m a mismatched piece in a jigsaw puzzle, and no matter how you turn me on the board, I just can’t find a slot to fit into.

Michael’s testing the last shred of patience I have, so I look for an apartment. I’ll have to dip into my savings to make it work, but I’ll gladly do that if it means I can keep my sanity. But nothing sticks. I trek from one side of the city to the other, and I can’t settle on anything. I don’twantto settle on anything. I think I deserve more than that.

I’ve had a few good job offers since I’ve been back. Obviously, some editors still believe in me. Plus there’s the job with Kingsley Accardi. But I’m finding it hard to accept anything on the work front, too. My heart’s just not in it.

Almost every experience since I’ve come back makes me feel like I don’t belong here anymore. I feel like I’ve outgrown Seattle. Or perhaps Seattle has outgrown me? Because nothing is making me happy. Nothing is satisfying me. And I find I keep going back to my time away and the things that happened while I was in Guatemala, and the fulfilment I had when I was there. There is no comparison between life in Seattle and life with Caleph.

Because ultimately, that’s what it comes down to. It’s not about being in Guatemala. It’s not even about being on a boat out in the middle of the ocean. It’s about being with Caleph. My heart will only be content wherever he is. And I come to this realization the minute he tells me he’ll be going to sea and my heart yearns to be there with him, even knowing how seasick the water makes me.

The thought of being away from him strips away at something in my heart. It tears that thin layer of armor that holds my heart in place, sifting through the vessel, threatening to crack it wide open.

My heart cannot withstand being away from him. He’s currently on the other side of town and yet he’s too far. If he leaves me here, it’s going to feel like he’s at the end of the earth. I don’t want to be where he’s not, and I don’t want to be here without him.

* * *

“You’re doingwhat?!?”

Nina screeches like a hyena when I tell her. I’ve never seen so much confusion on her face, and it’s quite comical.

“I’m leaving,” I tell her, throwing my clothes into a small suitcase.

“But where will you go?”

“Wherever Caleph is going,” I tell her.

---