Page 73 of Close to the Edge

I dragged myself upright to a sweat-soaked T-shirt and guilt-laden relief that immediately morphed into pain.

It’d been like this for the last four interminable days.

In the cold light of day, I could distract myself with something else, although success in that area was dwindling. But in my dreams I was helpless against the savage craving; helpless to fight the powerful emotions that poured out of my soul, wrenched me from sleep only to mock me with the emptiness of my reality.

I stared out the window of the cabin’s guest room, the peace I usually found here shattered.

Why the hell did I put her in my bedroom?

So you can torture yourself with visions of her when she’s gone, why else?

Perversely, the thought that I’d havesomethingto hang on to soothed me a little.

Jesus.

I rose, changed my T-shirt, added sweatpants and grabbed my phone. As I approached the door, my heart began to race.

I told myself the smell of coffee didn’t mean a thing. Lack of sleep and the couple of drinks I had on the plane equaled a foggy brain. I could’ve set the coffee machine myself when I rolled in at...whatever o’clock.

I entered the living room, saw her, and thoughts of time dissolved.

She sat cross-legged on the sofa nearest the window, beneath the worshipful rays of the morning sun.

The leather and lace comprising her usual work attire had been swapped for a less dramatic getup of black T-shirt and jersey shorts. But a choker still circled her neck, cuffs binding her wrists.

She hadn’t seen me yet. I needed an uninterrupted minute to imprint her on my memory. Some of the things I said couldn’t be taken back.

Hell, my behavior had been beyond shitty. So yeah, the chances of her being gone by nightfall were extremely high.

But God, I needed another minute, because I’d missed her beautiful face...her body...so damn much.

She was spectacular, if elusive, in my dreams but the reality was infinitely better. I approached, the contrasting black-and-white vision of her a magnet I couldn’t resist.

She was completely absorbed in her work, her fingers dancing in a hypnotic blur over the keyboard. Earbuds firmly in place cut her off from me.

But then, greedily, I wanted those beautiful green eyes that had invaded my dreams every night since I left on me.

As if she heard my thoughts, her fingers froze.

Her head snapped up, her eyes widened, then dimmed. Her resting expression was a punch in the gut. I tried to absorb it as I strolled closer.

“Hey.” She eyed me warily as she plucked her earbuds out. “I didn’t...when did you get back?”

“Very late. Or very early.”

Her eyes grew more guarded. “Is...everything all right?”

I hesitated.

The moment I answered, it was over. There would be nothing keeping her here. A shamefully large part of me wanted to stall, like I’d wanted to freeze time in the shower, and at the drive-in. Hell, every moment with Lily deserved to be preserved in amber.

But the universe selfishly ticked forward. Gritting my teeth, I indicated the sofa. “May I sit?”

She stared blankly at me, then down at the space before shrugging. “It’s your house, Caleb.” Her voice was a chilled rasp.

I ignored the ache sucking oxygen out of my lungs and sat down. When she tensed and tucked her legs firmer beneath her, I bunched my fist on my thigh.

Wow, you blew it good this time, Steele.

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