Page 127 of Black Sheep

“Because I love you. And you love me. And whatever penance needs to be paid, we pay it together.”

He pales. His whole body shudders. “No. God, baby, you can’t—”

“Can’t I?” Tears brim my heart, my throat, my eyes. “Tell me you’re happy without me. Tell me you don’t dream about me every night, and I’ll let you go.”

He blinks hard then shakes his head. “Cleo.”

“Can you?”

“No. I can’t. You know I can’t.” He sounds like a condemned man. My warrior.

I take a step toward him, not too close. But close enough for him to feel the edge of my torment. For him to miss me even more.

“You said yours was a selfish love. Well, mine is too. I demand your arms around me, your kisses on my face, my body. Your cock inside me whenever I want it. I demand you let me love you and worship you the way you do me. You told me you hated me once. That hurt me. A lot. But I was also ashamed because I hated you too. And you know what those are, Axel?”

“What?” he croaks.

“Wasted emotions that would’ve been better spent loving and trusting each other. So much wasted time. Years and years. Why would you want to waste more?” My voice breaks and tears spill over.

With a groan he closes the distance between us. He brushes away my tears, even as his own eyes mist. “I’m no saint, sweetheart. The things I’ve done, I’ll never be clean, Cleo. Never.”

I catch his wrist in my hand, look deep into his turbulent eyes. “You will. You know why? Because for all the bad things you did, you did a thousand more that were good. You saved a lot of people. You saved me. That has to count for something, right?”

“God, you count for everything. Without you, I wouldn’t be alive. When I thought…” He stops, and his jaw clenches. He breathes through it. “When I thought you betrayed me, the only thing that kept me going was the need to understand. I had to know what I did wrong so I could try and fix it someday.”

“Then do it. Fix us. Here, now. Let me be your Cleo. Do you want to be my Axel? The one who will never take no for an answer, never spend a night without me in his arms?”

He shuts his eyes, his breathing jagged. “Yes, I want to be your Axel again. Your Romeo.”

I cradle his precious face in my hands, brushing my thumbs over his lips. “No, not my Romeo. I don’t want to think about or talk about death. There’s been enough of it for all our lifetimes. I just want you, my Axel. Mine alone and always mine.”

“I’ve been yours from the moment we met. Every single second of every day. Even when you were lost to me, I loved you.”

Uncontrollable tears fill my eyes. “I’m sorry I ever doubted you. So sorry. I never stopped loving you either.”

With a groan, he gathers me into his arms, one hand passing reverently over my stomach. Back again. He buries his face in my neck and scents me. “Oh God. Living without you has been hell. I missed you so much. Missed the way you look, the way you smell…” He stops to smell me again. “Fuck,” he groans again.

Oh, how I’ve missed that. “Kiss me, Axel.”

He kisses me deep and long and hard, breaking away every few second to whisper his love. After long minutes, he lifts his head, grabs my hand, and inspects my wrist.

“Oh, thank fuck.”

I smile at the cheap, stick-on tattoo I sent him a picture of. The word penance is already starting to fade.

“The moment this comes off, we leave the past in the past. Deal?”

He nods. “Fucking deal. I love you, Cleo. So fucking much.”

My heart soars. “I love you too.”

He starts to lower his head. I pull away. “Just so you know, that goodbye kiss killed me.”

His eyes darken in pain. “Jesus, me too. I thought I was doing the right thing. I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry’s not gonna cut it, big guy. You’ll have to pay for that.”

“Whatever you want.”

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