Page 63 of Journey to Love

As Jacob's arms encircle me, I feel a tumultuous whirlwind of emotions raging inside me. His words, so filled with warmth and sincerity, clash with the darkness that threatens to consume me. "You shouldn't love me," I protest weakly, attempting to distance myself from the intensity of his affection.

But he refuses to let me retreat, pulling me back into his embrace with a determined strength. "Well, that's too bad because I do," he asserts, his voice unwavering in its conviction.

"No!" I push against him, my heart heavy with the weight of my own self-doubt. "I'm a mess, Jacob. You deserve someone who won't bring drama into your life."

He stands with me, his touch gentle as he rubs my shoulders and arms. "Anya, I don't care what kind of drama you bring," he insists, his gaze filled with unwavering resolve. "Because it'll all be worth it just to have you with me."

"Jacob, no! You're too good of a person to be with a screw-up like me!" I protest, my voice trembling with the weight of my own insecurities.

"But you're not—" he begins, but I cut him off, my words tumbling out in a rush of anguish and despair.

"I wanted to die last night, Jacob," I confess, the words hanging heavy in the air between us.

He looks at me with compassion, his gaze filled with an understanding that both soothes and terrifies me. "I know," he murmurs softly.

Confusion clouds my thoughts as his revelation sinks in. "You know? How?" I demand, my mind reeling with the implications of his knowledge.

"Lana told me," he explains, his voice gentle but firm. "On her way out to work, she saw me in the driveway while I was on the phone with you before I came inside."

A surge of conflicting emotions washes over me at the realization that Lana had shared my darkest secret with Jacob. Part of me resents her for burdening him with my pain, while another part feels a strange sense of relief that the truth is finally out in the open. But above all, I am left grappling with a profound sense of disbelief that Jacob, with full knowledge of my brokenness, still chooses to stand by my side. Who in their right mind would want someone like me?

“Anya, I want to be with you and help you through your pain. Lean on me and give me all of it! Give me all of you! I’m not going anywhere, baby,” Jacob declares, his words filled with unwavering determination.

But I scoff, emotions swirling within me like a tempest. “Jacob, you can't! You're leaving for the Army, remember!” I shout, the weight of impending separation pressing down on me.

His expression falls, and he approaches me with purpose. “I know, and I made that decision before I met you. But I believe we can make it work,” he insists, his voice steady despite the uncertainty looming over us.

“No! No… we can't, Jacob,” I protest through tears. “I, uh, I think you should go.”

He shakes his head adamantly. “No, Anya. I'm not leaving you. I don't care if you try to push me away. You deserve love, Anya. You deserve to be shown real love every day—”

“YOU ARE LEAVING, JACOB!” I scream, my breath coming in ragged gasps as tears stream down my face. “YOU ARE GOING INTO THE ARMY AND LEAVING ME…” My voice cracks, my anguish pouring forth in waves. “I'm gonna be… I'm gonna be all alone,” I confess, the weight of my fear crashing down upon me.

Before I can collapse, he catches me, wrapping me in his comforting embrace. “You are not alone, baby. You still have your grandparents, Lana, and like I said, you'll have me. I know I won't be here physically, but I promise you I will write you every day while I'm gone, and I'll call you whenever I am allowed.”

He lifts my head gently, his gaze filled with unwavering sincerity. “But I'm not leaving for another month, so why don't we make the most of the time we do have together?”

I nod weakly, my heart heavy with uncertainty. “Just please promise me you won't hurt me,” I whisper, my voice barely audible over the tumult of my emotions.

He smiles softly, his touch gentle as he brushes away my tears. “Baby, I can't promise that, and you know that. But I can promise you that I will never hurt you the way that he has.”

With his words offering a glimmer of hope amid the darkness, I wipe my face and lean into him, finding solace in his embrace.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Jacob

Sitting next to Anya, her pain hits me like a heavy weight in the chest. Each tear streaking down her face and every shiver that runs through her speaks volumes, urging me to do whatever I can to ease her burden. But in the midst of our embrace, I can't shake this gnawing fear that's eating away at me.

Anya's words keep echoing in my head, reminding me of the hurdles we're facing. And yeah, she's right—I'm off to the Army soon, and the thought of being away from her just freaks me out. But no matter how uncertain things seem, I won't let her face it alone.

Watching her try to hold back her tears, it's like the air around us gets heavy with her sadness. All I wanna do is pull her close and shield her from all this pain. But I get it, some battles she's gotta fight on her own, and I'm just here to back her up.

As she leans into me, seeking some kinda comfort, this wave of determination washes over me. No matter what's comin' our way, I'm gonna be her rock, her anchor in the storm. Together, we'll tackle whatever life throws at us, drawing strength from each other every step of the way.

The more time I spend with her, the more I realize how much she means to me. She's not just some passing crush—she's like the missing piece of my puzzle, the one who makes me feel whole in a way I never thought possible. And yeah, even though things might get tough, as long as we stick together, we can handle anything.

With the sun starting to creep in, casting this warm glow around us, I make a silent promise to myself and to Anya. No matter where life takes us, I'm gonna have her back, through all the ups and downs, the good times and the bad. 'Cause with her, I've found not just love, but the strength to face whatever's comin' our way.

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