Page 47 of Journey to Love

"Come on, stop," I say, chuckling.

We share a laugh, and then Lana's tone becomes more serious. "In all seriousness, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I guess," I respond, my voice tinged with uncertainty.

"What's wrong?" she probes.

"I just feel bad that the only night Jacob's here got ruined because of me," I admit, feeling guilty.

"Jacob will understand," Lana reassures me.

"Yeah, but it's not fair to him," I counter.

"Did he say that?" Lana asks.

"Well, no," I admit.

"Then you're good. Jacob seems like a great guy. Give him more credit than that," Lana advises.

"That's what I'm talking about. He's a good guy. He doesn't need to be held down by someone who can't even be at a party without having a meltdown," I lament.

"Anya, you went through something that will always be with you. Why don’t you let Jacob decide what he can or cannot handle?" Lana offers wisely.

"I guess you're right," I concede.

She laughs. "Bitch, I'm always right. Now go to bed and get some sleep! Tomorrow will be better."

"Okay, okay, fine," I agree.

"Goodnight, Lana," I say.

"Night, Anya. Talk to you later," Lana replies before we hang up.

The next morning, I wake up, still unsure about last night's mess. Marcus was there, and he definitely saw me. That thought alone spikes my anxiety. When I finally left that motel for good two years ago, he tried calling me the next day, like he always did when he came around. He'd leave me at a motel overnight, not giving a damn about how I got home the next day. All that mattered was if he got what he wanted. And on the nights he hit me, he'd always call or text the next day, saying he was sorry and didn’t mean it. Just the same old bullshit excuses guys like him always use.

I never bothered to call him back or respond to his dozen messages. He'd leave angry voicemails, but eventually, they stopped, and I haven’t seen or heard from him since that night. But seeing Marcus last night sets off alarm bells in my head. It worries me that he might try to track me down again. I've never tried to leave when I was with Paul, so I can't predict exactly what he'll do now that he knows I'm still in New Jersey. Paul's always been predictably unpredictable. The smallest things could set him off, and he'd take it out on me. I need to figure out what I'm going to do if or when I see him again. I can't rely on others to protect me forever. I need to handle this on my own somehow.

I head to the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee. Nana and Pops are out sailing with their friends today, so it's just me at home. After last night, I'm not really feeling comfortable going anywhere alone right now. As I sip my coffee, I glance down at my phone and notice a text from Jacob.

JACOB: Good morning beautiful! Just wanted to let you know that I've made it to PA safe and sound. I start work at 9 a.m., so that gives me about 4.5 hours to sleep here in the parking lot lol. Hope you have a great day today, and I'll call you later when I get off work.

He's seriously a great guy, like the complete opposite of Paul. Lana's advice about trusting my instincts with him totally makes sense. Jacob's always there, super patient and understanding, even with all the chaos in my life. But, man, I can't shake off this guilt about dragging him into my mess. Still, Lana's onto something—I gotta give him a chance to decide if he's cool with all this drama. I do have feelings for him, but part of me worries he'll bail, and honestly, I wouldn't blame him. At the end of the day, it's up to him, and I gotta respect that. It’s the least I could do for him after everything I’ve put him through. Which is why I decide to text him back.

ANYA: Hey! Good morning! I’m glad you made it back safe. I’m sorry you had to sleep in your car before work but I really did love having you here yesterday. I hope work goes smoothly for you and I’ll talk to you later!

A few minutes later…

JACOB: Hey beautiful, work is going good, we are on a lunch break at the moment. I enjoyed spending time with you yesterday too and don’t worry about me sleeping in the car, I was just using my time management skills lol.

ANYA: lol

JACOB: How are you feeling?

ANYA: I’m doing a bit better, thank you for staying with me and I’m sorry I’ve brought all this drama in your life.

JACOB: Anya, you have nothing to apologize for, if I thought it was too much to handle I would’ve left earlier. Like I said last night, I’m here for you for whatever you need.

ANYA: Thank you! But I still feel bad and I would not blame you if you’ve changed your mind about all of this.

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