Page 55 of Dying to Meet You

We’re falling apart.

I’m coming completely unglued.

If Matt betrayed us to cover for his precious fucking FBI, there’s no coming back from that…

I want to know Weston is safe, which if Matt did this to make it look a certain way, I know Wes would be. But the alternative fucking destroys me.

I would give anything to rewind time…go back four days and insist Eden and the kids go to a safe house like Hutton wanted. Now, we’re forced to pretend life could go on in any healthy way if Weston is gone forever.

I pick up a yellow pill, rolling it between my fingers before putting it back to smash along with the rest of the pills using the side of my fist. A roar of anguish comes from me as I look down at the dust on the counter.

All the pain, hurt, and fear stab at me until I squat down and snort up some of the dust, running a finger through it to put it in my mouth. The bitter tang gags me.

What the fuck have I done? My regret is instant. What the fuck?! Angrily, I wipe the rest into the sink and rinse it. Then sink to the floor, sobbing.

I have no idea how much I’ve ingested as the effects start to soften the edges of reality. God only knows how long I lay crying on the floor until my vision swims, my limbs feeling numb.

Until I’m nothing and nowhere.

“Blaine? Blaine!” I feel a pat to my cheek, and I fight to open my heavy eyelids.Leave me the fuck alone. Let me drift away. Just vaporize.

Voices fade in and out. “Turn him to his side…Blaine?!...Damn dude, what’d you take…Blaine?!...Open your eyes, dude…turn him…hey….”

“Daddy B, I ‘member that poem. Wanna hear it? There was an Old Man with a beard, who said, ‘It is just as I feared…’”Weston’s chipper little voice…I want my son back. I need my son back.

“Do we call 911? Wake up, man…” More pats, and I feel like my tongue is adhered to the roof of my mouth. “Hold on…just hold on…”

A sudden sharp pain penetrates my entire chest, my eyes opening to Kim on top of me giving me a sternum rub. My mouth flies open. “Gaaaaaa...fuuuucck. Stop…stop.” Chris is on his knees next to me, disappointment all over his face.

“What did you do, Blaine? What did you do?” Chris asks, wiping a hand across his forehead. “You were barely breathing.”

They should’ve let me go…

I’ve fucked up miserably this time.

Caleb runs into the crowded bathroom, his face red. He drops to his knees gathering me up in his arms. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

What the fuck is he apologizing for? My arms don’t cooperate when I try to push him off me, and my tongue feels immobilized. Chris’s mouth is moving, his words swimming in and out of my ears. “...struggling…pills…on the floor…with Wes…pills”

Caleb is nodding at him while talking, still holding me like I’m too fragile to let go of. I fucking hate myself right now.

Wes…Weston. I just need my baby boy.

“I stopped paying attention. I didn’t…I didn’t see this coming,” Caleb says gripping me tighter. “I’ve been an awful friend.”

Chapter Thirty-Five

Breathe in, bleed out

Keir

Steppingoveratreeroot, I look at Eden a couple steps in front of me. “Honey, do you know where you’re going?” So far, we’ve traveled a tunnel, opening any door or hatch we came across; walked through the parking ramp; tried to get into the lab building, but the door felt barred; the guard shacks; an abandoned house; and looked in windows of the housing block. “The police and FBI were here three days ago and didn’t find anything.”

She ignores me as she keeps a steady pace, stopping to look around every few steps. “It was this way I think. Wait, he said look for the roof…” Her mumbling doesn’t make any sense to me.

“Who?” My cellphone rings, tearing my attention away. “Harrison, what’s going on?”

Even though Bristow and Harrison were dismissed from the official investigation, they’ve been checking in. “Where are you? Is Eden with you?”

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