Page 28 of Dying to Meet You

My head starts to pound on the walk back. The resurfacing memories are disorienting. The timing couldn’t be worse. The phrases, the orders…

“You will do our bidding.”

“You won’t be stopped.”

Eden sees me stumble as I open the back door and she runs to my side. “What’s wrong?” Alarm is written all over her face.

My nightmare is hers. There is no way to tell her the past has woken up from where I buried it, that the brainwashing tactics and the words they tortured me with are coming alive again, because she’s already scared. I see it in her eyes when she thinks no one is paying attention. I want to take her hand, but my normal tendency born of the way I grew up to fear germs is intensified right now.

She follows me back to my office. “What were you and David doing outside?”

I don’t answer her as I put the camera on my desk using a switchblade to pry it open. It’s hardly high tech, a middle of the road surveillance trail cam. I clip a wire to ensure the perpetrator can’t get access to my cellphone, then I pair it to my phone. A clear picture shows me staring down at it, Eden next to me with a worried expression.

There’s no tracing it. Nothing more to gain by keeping it in use, I cut the rest of the wires, take the chip out and toss the whole works in the garbage can by my desk.

She starts to say, “Hutton? Wha-” Her hand rests on my arm causing me to back away. “Hey…” We’ve come a long way. Six years ago, she knocked down a barrier I had set up. Now my skin crawls thinking about touch…about being near another person.

But this is Eden…my Eve. Her safety and well-being are the only reasons I’m alive. Hers and our kids’.

“Oh no, oh my god…Hutton, you have to talk to me. Why did you pull away? What’s going on? What did you throw away?” Her rapid-fire questions don’t help. Her eyes fill with tears. “Hutton.” Carefully, she places her hand on my bare arm.

I stare at it in disgust.

Get control. This is Eden.

“Hutton?” Her voice cracks as the tears spill over.

“Eden…” Closing my eyes I continue, “Don’t touch me. I’m…I need a minute.” There’s no telling her I was triggered. I’d rather she thinks I’m being moody.

Backing away, she sits in a chair by the door. “I want to stay with you tonight.”

Perfect. A whole night avoiding contact with her while I sort out what this all means.

“Do you have to?”

“Yes. Did you forget I know you? I know you’re not okay. You can’t hide anything from me.”

While she deals with Blaine complaining about the sleeping arrangements for the night, I grapple with what happened in the woods.

“You don’t need to stay in here,” I reiterate while stepping back into my bedroom from taking a shower. The whole time, I scrubbed until my skin was red, trying to talk myself out of the way I’m feeling.

Eden isn’t being coy in the least tonight. She left her hair down, stripped naked. I can’t tear my eyes away. The urge to pummel Blaine and Keir at the sight of the blemishes on her skin is strong. She claims they feel good, but how do bites, bruising hands or scratches feel pleasurable?

Without a word, I climb under the covers with my back turned. Denying her was not in the cards a couple of hours ago, but now I’m hoping she stays on her side of the bed. “Hutton? Do you feel it, too? It’s like they implemented a fail-safe to eliminate us.” Her voice is choked up. “None of them could use us the way they wanted. Maybe this is their plan?”

She only understands a piece of this.

“Eden, if I arrange it would you and the kids go into hiding? I have a place that’s completely secluded and off the grid.” An ache spreads through my chest at sending them away until it’s safe…weeks, months…even years. We couldn’t go with them. They’re watching us all, so there would need to be diversions. But I could keep them safe if they went.

Her voice is warbly when she says, “It’s the Realists…it has to be, right? I’m not leaving you. You will physically need to knock me the hell out and tie me up. I’m staying wherever you are. If it’s them…if-” She swallows a cry. “They’ll want you as much as us.”

I don’t say it out loud, not to trust anyone. I tried that years ago, but Eden isn’t built that way. She wants to see good in everyone, even after the violations to her trust. I know because she still looks atmewith love.

“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”

Turning over, I use the edge of the sheet she has pulled up to wipe away tears from her cheek. “I want you,” she whispers. “Please, please, love…”

Her glistening blue eyes pierce my heart. I can’t make myself move closer to her, my hands now fisted under my pillow, paralyzed at the thought. Skin to skin, the sweat, bodily fluids…I’m at war with myself. The phobias are winning, my dick only semi-hard.

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