Page 24 of Dying to Meet You

“Are you an adult?” Eden jokes as she comes in with Zeb on her hip.

“Yeah, but not on purpose.” Blaine replies before kissing her on top of her head.

My heart lifts just seeing Eden. One of my favorite things about her is she leaves people better than she found them. Myself included. My life, who I’ve been able to become, is largely because of her support.

How can I even question if I belong?

Agent Steven Harrison and Agent David Bristow both come to the door. Matt strides through the kitchen to answer it. Holding the door open, he quietly speaks to them, pointing over his shoulder, then gesturing outside. We look on as the lightheartedness is thwarted by the seriousness of our situation.

The suspicious activity earlier today.

Hutton could see the man, but not the car in the camera mounted on the mailbox post. He sent still photos to Matt and both agents. Not that a nondescript balding white male in wire framed glasses is going to be ID’d that way. We all know to be on the lookout away from home for him.

“Down, down now. Pwees…Daddy down.” Warner pumps his legs. I think we can get rid of the highchair in favor of a booster chair. It’s time to accept he’s growing older.

“Okay, little buddy, where are we going?” Blaine sets him down on the floor.

But his attention is taken by Keir coming in from the front of the house. “Daddy! Daddy! Up, up, up.” A look of relief passes over his face as he squeezes Warner to him.

“Where’s Wes?”

Hearing his name he comes skipping into the room, Zach on his heels. “Wanna see our fort?”

“Let’s sit down and talk first, Wes.” Pulling him onto his land next to Warner at the counter, Keir continues, “Do you know how much Mommy and your Daddies love you?”

“Bigger than the world,” he says proud of himself, spreading his arms wide. “I love you, too, Daddy.”

Blaine and I share a look. Keir is getting choked up. He clears his throat, his voice thick. “That’s why we have rules. To keep you safe. Those rules are for Waverly, Zinnea, Zach, Warner, and Zeb, too. All of us need to listen to the rules.” Zach nods enthusiastically with wide eyes perched in the chair next to them.

I’m just realizing even though he follows Wes around, we didn’t take the time to discuss strangers with him after this happened. He was at therapy during the incident, but I worry he’ll feel less cared about because of that. “You too, Zach. Right? If you see any strangers, you need to get away from them and find us,” I add.

“Uh-huh, like when the ninja comes?”

My smile falls slightly. The cowboy phase can come back any time now. “Yes. Any stranger.”

Leaning into my side, Eden adds, “Just like we practiced when we went to the park the first time. If you can’t find one of us, look for an adult with children. Tell them you need help.”

The agents decline eating dinner with us, reminding us that they’re on the job. After Wes runs back from the kitchen to hand them paper bags with snacks in them, they both leave to patrol the property.

Hutton FaceTimes Keir about work matters, causing Wes to jump into the camera frame a few times to ask him questions. “The transcript of the message is in an encrypted email I sent you. That’s not the important part. There is a tracer code attached; it was done by someone who has some knowledge of complicated code. In that code…is a warning or threat. Take me off FaceTime before I continue.” His voice is getting irritated.

But now, we’re all paying attention. The hand holding Eden’s fork is shaking. I put my hand on her knee. Keir turns his camera off before swiftly leaving the table. Both Matt and Blaine follow him out the kitchen door. “I thought we’d have a nice meal,” I joke weakly. “The kids seem to be enjoying it.” Waverly runs her fork over the marinated chicken breast with her lower lip sticking out. Zinnea hasn’t touched her silverware where she is seated at the opposite end of the table. The boys are more focused on their toy cars than eating. “I’m kidding…”

“It’s delicious, I just don’t have much of an appetite, sweetheart,” Eden says in a hushed voice.

God, give me the words of comfort she needs. Instead, after a few more minutes in silence, we clear the table as the kids scatter. I put music on while loading the dishwasher, a routine I’ve come to look forward to, making the chore fun with our little dances and off-key bellowing of lyrics. She’s not going for it tonight. Even my awkward, made-up dance moves don’t make her crack a smile. “Tough audience tonight, angel.”

The plate she’s loading gets set on the counter as she forces a smile on her face. “The worst.” She wraps her arms around her middle tightly. “We’re in danger. Real danger, Caleb.”

“I know.” The safety we felt in the bubble of life created here in New York feels like it’s worn away. Everyone is on edge. Putting a hand out to her, I pull her into a hug, saying quietly, “Lord, I surrender my worries to You. Guide me in Your wisdom, and may Your presence light my path. In Your hands, I find comfort and assurance. In Jesus's Name, Amen.”

We hold each other, swaying to the music playing. I imagine what it would be like to be alone. Just Eden and me. The kids. It would be simple. No outside threats from work the FBI does, no revenge from Hutton’s clients’ adversaries, no drama from Blaine…simple. I’d have my nights lying next to her in bed. We’d show more affection in public. I’d have a fighting chance to get Eden more receptive to church. Simple.

Monogamy. Isn’t that the way God would want it?

The prophecy of the FLDS Holy Brotherhood would have me believe that polygamy, one husband and as many wives as possible, is God’s way. That never felt right, especially when I saw my uncle taking ten- and twelve-year-old wives. Why would God not want Eden to have five husbands who love her, protect her, and are loyal to her? If polygamy is right for a man, it should follow that it’s right for a woman, too.

My habit of playing with my wedding ring catches her attention. She runs her hand over the stone, tenderness in her expression as she says, “I love you. No one calms me like you do, and no one else ever will.” It’s like she is reading my mind. Or God is speaking her truth to my heart? I’m her safe space. It’s not simple, this life we’ve built. But I can be her calm in the storm.

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