Page 19 of Dying to Meet You

Fucking excellent. I make eye contact with Eden, both of us sighing. “I’ll talk to her.”

I find her lying face down on her bed in her last dance outfit-a metallic silver bodysuit with tinsel on her arms and waist. The slicked-down bun on top of her head is starting to lean, her blonde curly hair coming loose. Learning long ago that waiting her out works better than asking her questions, I keep my trap shut. When I sit at her desk, I notice she’s put some of her framed pictures face down. Peeking at them, my heart sinks. She’s with Eden in those particular photos.

I’m certain her mom has no idea how deep her problems with Zinnea are becoming; partly because she’s so focused on making sure all the Abbott children acclimate into the family. But in reality, only one is having a problem: Zinnea. Eden said she sees the child she was in her, but I think she’s projecting. The woman I know has always been overly kind, overly accepting of everyone. Though she started to shut more people out during college, she was never mean. Zin has a biting judgy tone when she speaks.

“Dad?” Waverly sits up, taking a deep breath through tears. “I don’t want a sister anymore.”

I wasn’t prepared to hear that. My mouth opens and closes a couple of times before responding, “Oh, sweetheart…Waves, you don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. Zinnea told me on the way out to the car God doesn’t like showy people. I laughed at her, because she says stuff like that all the time, but then she pinched my arm really hard.” Pulling her sleeve back I can see the reddened mark above her elbow.

I’ve reached my limit now, and I’m pissed. It’s one thing to keep spouting her brainwashed garbage, but now she’s physically hurting others. “That’s not going to be tolerated. I’m so sorry, honey.” After a quick hug with Waverly, I’m stopped from finding Zinnea by Caleb.

“Let Eden handle it.” He shifts to allow the boys to run past, who are following Dodger into the bathroom. Warner is in his arms, grabbing at his ear while asking for animal crackers. “Both the girls need her to mediate.”

On the scale of one to ten in emotional intelligence, I’d say I score a solid six and a half, but my giant best friend may be bypassing me.

Super-agent comes to the rescue, aka Keir, striding past us looking for the culprits of the animals getting out of the pen. Warner sees him, lunging in his direction. Anytime Keir is within eyesight of him, he needs to have his attention. Just like his bio dad. Fuck…I don’t want to let myself dwell on that right now. Not much I can do about it, anyway.

I’ll never be Keir, all broody and serious.

“Careful,” Keir calls out as he catches him mid-wiggle from Caleb’s arm.

Looking up to see Matt come around the corner from the stairs, cradling a sleeping baby in his arms causes my damn brain to stop. Fuuuck. Okay, is dad porn a thing?

Four of Waverly’s fathers made the recital; Hutton is out of town meeting a client. I overheard more than one conversation about us during the show.“Oh, I agree. I’m picky as hell but I’d crawl over broken glass just to look at him.”That wassaid by one of the mothers when Matt walked toward our seats.

Her friend replied,“Look, I know he’s married, but Christ almighty that man inspires inappropriate thoughts. Hell, they all do. Eden, teach us your ways.”

Mid-turn to look at them, I heard her friend respond,“Riighht, no way is she keeping them all happy. I’m sure we don’t have the real story.”

But it didn’t end there, because the negativity was picked up everywhere. On the walk to pick Waverly up from the staging area, I heard one of the fathers mutter under his breath brushing past me,“Fucking homos.”If Matt hadn’t grabbed my arm shaking his head, I would’ve taken the assault charge by punching him. One of the competition dance coaches couldn’t stop staring at Keir before she could be heard saying,“I don’t get it. He doesn’t look gay. None of them do.”A teenage boy standing with his friends near the entrance to the building cracked under his breath,“The orgy family. That’s a well-used hole.”His eyes tracked Eden, who was covering Zach’s ears.

That’s what life has been like since our neighbor Todd began a campaign to get rid of us. From yelling slurs at us to saying inappropriate things to the kids, and now huge signs pointed our way. We could get a harassment order against him, but Hutton would rather quietly destroy him.

I get it-we are unconventional. My mom is still confused about the relationships we have, even after I tried to dumb it down for her. Matt’s sister says it best-No one is “gay”. We’re all on the spectrum, except Eden, Caleb, and Hutton. Eden is all about us (dick only), Caleb is only into Eden, and Hutton is obsessed with Eden, completely ambivalent to us. My relationship is only physical with Keir…not like any other one he has. I allow myself to be roughly handled, bitten, scratched, hit, choked…I allow it because it exorcises a need he has to rid himself of images of his past and the cases he works on.

But lately…it’s not enough anymore.

Both Matt and I tread carefully with Keir’s sexuality. We’re never sure if he's making the choice to be intimate with us, or if it’s because of the conditioning he had being abused and trafficked. It turns my stomach, even considering it’s a possibility.

With Matt, it’s undoubtedly love-passionate, deep, fulfilling, and gripping. Love. Almost on par with my feelings about our wife. Almost.

She’s still the only one I would fall apart for, lose everything and everyone for. Fuck it, I can say the same for Matt. But Keir makes me frustrated. I want more…I want him to see me as more.

Matt holds his finger to his lips to keep us quiet while we’re discussing the girls. “This goddamn nonsense she keeps spouting is getting old,” I say to Caleb in particular, because he has defended her behavior in the past. The Revivalist cult’s religious doctrine is as strict as the FLDS Holy Brotherhood. He knows the tactics used to mess with their heads. The abuse, the repetition of “rules”, the negative reinforcement.

Dodging Warner’s grabby hands, Keir says, “Therapy isn’t helping. That’s obvious. Eden should be the one to address it.”

I can’t hold my tongue, because …well, I’m an asshole. In a snide voice I say, “Oh, thank you, Keir, for that level-headed, common-sense, critical thinking take. Caleb already said that.”

“Blaine,” Matt scolds. “Was that necessary?”

Is it necessary that Keir give his opinion all the damn time?

Big Gulp interrupts Matt's attempt to shame me into being nice. “Last night she rocked in the corner of the room, repeating, ‘And the smoke of their torment…’ It was pieces of the Book of Revelations scripture. A description of Hell. He drops his head before adding in a somber voice, “She’s stuck in that mindset. Eden will get to the bottom of it. I know she will.”

At what price? I don’t want my wife delving into Zinnea’s psyche only to suffer reliving her past. For the monster haunting her to grow in strength. “Agree to disagree, then? Eden hasn’t had the time to heal…just shy of seven years is not enough time. She’s taking a huge risk trying to help her. We all are. If she’s pinching now, what’s next? Does she strike one of her siblings? What about fire? Hell, for all we know she started the house fire that killed all the Revivalists.”

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