Page 126 of Menace in Vegas

Connor and I turn to her in perfect, horrified unison.

“What?” I choke out.

“Vow renewal? But we’ve only been married?—"

“Exactly!” she chirps. “Time to spice things up before the flame dies.”

Connor mutters, “How would it even have time to die when?—”

Gram gives him a sharp look, and he clamps his mouth shut.

He stops cold as we step inside. “There’s a drunk showgirl playing the harp,” he says flatly.

“I tipped her with vodka. She’s fabulous,” Gram replies proudly.

I tug on his arm. “That’s Marilyn Monroe over there.”

“Technically, it’s Gary from Cincinnati,” Gram clarifies. “But he’s very committed.”

I look around in horror.

There are tourists filming us.

Elvis is adjusting his wig.

There’s a guy in a banana costume with a sash that saysBest Man #2. I have no idea what happened to Best Man #1.

“Gram,” I whisper. “What did you do?”

She grins, accepting a sequined gown from Marilyn. “I paid for the deluxe Viva Las Vows package. Includes impersonators, live kazoo music, a backup dancing cowboy, and a tiebreaker competition.”

Connor and I say in unison, “Tiebreaker?”

Gram slaps two crumpled notecards into our hands. “Write your vows. Elvis, Marilyn, and Showgirl Wendy will judge. Winner picks the honeymoon destination.”

I stare at the blank card. “This is insane.”

“Insanely romantic,” Gram corrects. “Now get to work. I’m off to get dressed.”

Connor’s already scribbling and muttering to himself. “Snowball fights… hot cocoa… freezing her ass off…”

Meanwhile, my card is still blank. I’m digesting a mountain of pancakes and the horrifying realization that a kazoo player is warming up in the corner while the backup dancing cowboy swivels his hips.

Dear God. Am I hallucinating from all the pancakes I ate?

I glance over at my smirking husband.

Focus, Allie. You need to win.

I want beaches, sun, and sand.

Not a frozen ass or a black eye from a snowball fight with my husband.

50

CONNOR

This is not how I expected my day to go.

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