Page 64 of Vodka and Chocolate Drops

“I’m busy. You should have called ahead.”

“I figured you’d say no.”

“You’re not as dumb as you seem, then. You just act that way. Good to know.” She started to move away, but he caught her arm again. How could she have ever been so needy as to want the affections of a man such as Russell? How could she not have seen--correction, how could she have ignored--how selfish and self-centered he was? Because she was certain he wasn’t here for any reason other than himself.

“Why are you here?” she asked, not caring if she had an edge to her voice.

“I wanted to see you.”

“Why? Did your editor already dump you?”

Russell couldn’t look her in the eye.

“Right. You were never the man of my dreams, Russell, and I wasted a year of my life trying to convince myself otherwise.” She began walking away, shooing off Fran, who had come to the door of her boutique to make sure Amber was okay.

“I wanted to apologize,” Russell said, his voice carrying down the street.

She stopped cold. Those were the last words she’d ever expected to hear. She turned. Russell was staring at the display in Fran’s window as though he hadn’t said a word.

“Usually when a man apologizes he explains why. Here are some starting places, if you’re at a loss. Cheating on me, using me, betraying me, my confidence, and our intimacy. Making me feel as though I never meant anything to you, making me a public spectacle, starting a multitude of rumors about me in my own hometown, slandering me in a libelous way, lying to me…” She had been moving closer with every word and was now in his face. “Would you like me to go on?” she asked coolly.

Russell looked at her in wonder. “You’re different.”

“Angrier? More jaded? Yeah, go figure on that one, huh?”

“No. More… you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She was taken off guard by the way he was studying her. It wasn’t as though she was a bug under a seven-year-old’s microscope, it was more as though he was intrigued by what he saw, and wanted to see more. The only man who had ever looked at her that way before was Scott. However, with Scott it was comforting. She knew he was looking beneath her layers and possibly seeing something good that she couldn’t see in herself. But with Russell it made her feel judged and exposed.

“You’re closer to the Amber I wrote about.”

“So you do admit it!” She pointed at him in triumph.

“You were my muse?you knew that. That’s why we came back here.”

“Why we came back?” He was making no sense. He’d told her he’d liked the quiet of Blueberry Springs.

“This was the only place where you’d relax, open up and let me in.”

“Here? In Blueberry Springs?”

“We’d go back to the city and you’d harden. You’d try to guess what I wanted you to say.”

“No, I didn’t.”

Why would she have been different at home? She’d hated it and wanted out. She understood now that this town was where she belonged, but she hadn’t felt that way until recently. And while it was true that in the city she had always been trying to be someone cool and sophisticated, she hadn’t realized that she’d been a completely different person at home. Maybe that was why, when she decided to stay in Blueberry Springs, she’d felt a rush of relief--not just because it was easy and familiar, but because she could be herself and be accepted for that reason. There was no one to impress. Everyone knew her flaws, her problems, and they rolled with it.

“I had to figure out why you were real here. It was compelling. You are compelling.” Russell touched her elbow and she shifted away, clutching the neck of her jacket. He sounded genuine, but she wasn’t sure she liked where he was going with the conversation.

“You are every woman in North America. I wanted to see that. Take that. Build on it.”

The book was about her, but theirs was a battle that would go nowhere. He’d backtrack in court and, as John had said, it would become a case of he said, she said. Russell would make up something that sounded good and that would be that.

And in the end, it didn’t matter. People would believe what they chose to believe. Amber knew who she was, and so did those who meant the most to her. She was enough for them just the way she was and nobody, especially Russell, could come in and change that.

“It’s a compliment, Amber. Did the new you learn to accept one?”

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