Page 12 of Vodka and Chocolate Drops

She’d half hoped he had a secret parental database he could hack into, revealing, with a lovely flourish, the name of her father. But apparently the police didn’t have one of those, and even if they did it wouldn’t be ethical or legal to use it for personal reasons. Blah, blah, blah. Scott and his sound morals. She loved him for it, but it was driving her crazy.

Her mother had finished her shift at the restaurant half an hour ago and Amber knocked on her door, knowing she would be home.

Sure enough, she answered, at first looking pleased to see Amber, then appearing cautious. “Everything okay?” she asked.

Amber debated the merits of going soft on her versus cutting to the chase. She decided for honest, but not super-blunt. “I thought we could chat.”

“Was Russell upset about the trailer? I heard he knows now.”

“Can I come in?”

As if realizing she was blocking the door, Gloria opened it wider, allowing her to come in. “I was just going to have a cup of tea. Would you like one?”

Amber waited for her to finish brewing the tea, then sat with her at the small kitchen table.

“Philip isn’t my father, is he?”

Her mother was silent for a long time and Amber thought she was going to refuse to answer. But finally she shook her head.

The truth struck Amber as hard as if she hadn’t been expecting it. She struggled to stay neutral, unemotional, but her voice cracked when she asked, “Who is he?”

Gloria studied the tabletop, lips pulled tight between her teeth. After a moment she opened her mouth as though about to say something, then closed it again. “I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“It’s… complicated,” her mother said.

“I’ve become quite good with complicated.”

“It will change things, Amber, and I don’t think it’s a good idea.” She stood up, clearing away their cups even though they’d barely touched them. “Things are good enough the way they are.”

“Please, Mom.”

Amber needed to know.

Gloria let out a sigh, suddenly looking aged beyond her years, and for a second Amber saw the woman’s life in a flash. A single mom, a waitress, raising her daughter the best she could in a gossipy small town. It took a village to raise a child, and Blueberry Springs had definitely helped. Benny, her mother’s boss, acting like a father figure. His chef, Leif, taking her in and feeding her after school while listening to her chat about her day when her mother was busy waiting tables. Her friend Mandy Mattson’s mom taking her to extracurricular events on Thursday nights while Gloria pulled her weekly double shift.

It couldn’t have been easy. And now to have her daughter on the wrong side of an award-winning newscaster who was used to digging out hidden truths behind locked borders. Russell even still had a limp from being shot while working on an overseas cover-up. He was a public hero who would beat Amber to the punch when it came to defending herself and her character. What chance did she and her mother have of becoming more than what they were in this moment?

“Please. Just a name. I’ve always thought it was Philip, and it’s driving me crazy to think I believed something that was wrong my whole entire life. I feel like I don’t know who I am.”

“Amber…” Her mother’s tone of voice was a warning, but Amber ignored it.

“I can handle it. I can handle the truth.”

“I don’t…” Gloria sighed. “I’ll think about it.”

Her mother never said no, just “I’ll think about it,” which meant “go away and forget about it because I’m not saying yes.”

“Please? I can keep a secret. I won’t tell a soul, I promise.”

Her mom braced her hands on the counter and dropped her head. “This isn’t about you.”

“It was so long ago. Nobody will care.” Amber felt desperate. The more her mother blocked her, the more certain she became that knowing who her father was would help her understand why she had tricked herself into believing a man like Russell was The One. And if she knew who she was, she could prevent herself from falling into traps like that again.

“He’s going to care,” Gloria said, her voice hoarse with held-back emotion. “Believe me.”

Amber felt the slam of rejection all over again. Her father didn’t want her. He didn’t want anyone to know his mistake, and it didn’t matter if the man was Philip or someone else. Rejection was rejection.

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