Page 9 of Love in Pieces

“What’s this about a promotion?” Mom asks, walking out of the kitchen with a red casserole dish of lasagna. She sets it on the floral-patterned hot pad in the middle of the table before taking her seat in the chairrightnext to me. “Abby, dear, could you go grab the green beans from the stove for me?”

Great. Sit next to me. Just what I wanted. “Sure thing, Mom.” I get up from the table, thankful for a reason to leave all the career talk. I can’t exactly relate to that anymore. I hear the conversation from the kitchen as I take my time returning to the table.

“Cameron got a promotion at work. She’s now her department’s hiring manager,” Will says happily.

“That’s amazing!” Mom says. When I return with the bowl of steaming green beans, Mom is taking a square of lasagna. She offers the spatula to Sam before turning her attention back to Cameron. “So, what does this mean salary-wise?”

Cameron shoots me a glaring eye. The only thing Cameron and I seem to agree on is that Mom is greedy for family money. She seems to think that she has a right to whatever money we make, including Will since he’s married in. I swear, one of the big reasons she likes Sam is because he makes good money. She will blind herself to anything else the second she sees dollar signs.

I attribute this greed to Dad’s death. Mom and Dad were about to get a divorce before he died. I don’t blame my dad for Mom’s sudden attachment to money, but it definitely made her greedy. During all the legal paperwork, Dad changed his will so that Cameron and I were the beneficiaries of everything. I’m not allowed access to it until I turn twenty-five, so it’ll still be a few years. Mom wasn’t aware of this, so when she found out she wasn’t getting any of it, she was furious. A grieving and angry mother makes for a rough year. The emotions don’t mix well, and she took it out on us. She still does, it seems. Not to mention, we had to grieve the loss of our father on top of it. Our needs fell to the wayside trying to make Mom happy again, but I think it’s safe to say that she won’t ever be fully satisfied with life, that is unless she gets the money she feels entitled to.

“It’s a bit of a raise,” Cameron says, hoping to avoid the full question. She shoves a forkful into her mouth so that she doesn’t have to keep talking.

“But how much? Do I get to retire early?” Mom laughs as she asks the question, but I know she’s not joking.

“Funny,” Cameron says with a fake chuckle. I notice she shoots Will a sharp eye.

Without hesitating, he clears his throat and speaks up, changing the subject. Thank God. “So, any fun plans this summer, Abby?”

Not exactly the subject change I was hoping for. I plaster a smile on my face as I finish a bite of my food. I look to Sam as he is the one responsible for my recent job changes. “Just taking it slow. Hoping to enjoy the warm weather.” Honestly, I hadn’t thought about what else I would do this summer. Last summer I worked almost every day. I picked up shifts at the cafeteria as often as I could. Not because I wanted to help my mother, but because I wanted to set myself up for a better future. Someone’s got to pay for my schooling. Turns out that someone is Sam now.

Attending Oxly specifically has been my way of avoiding the need to live with my mother. It’s only about a forty-five-minute drive from home, but it’s just long enough that it would be too much to do every single day. It gave me an out, and I was not going to waste the opportunity.

Sam pipes in to give a more pleasing answer, knowing my mother won’t be satisfied with the one I provided. “She’s focusing on her writing this summer,” he starts. Excuse me? Writing? Says the one who just got done berating me for wanting a writing career. “I, on the other hand, will be able to provide for the both of us with this new job,” he says, taking over the conversation. I hide my disgust by stuffing my mouth with a large bite of green beans.

“Yes! Tell me about your new position. I’m excited to hear all the perks and big money you’re going to make.”

I roll my eyes before taking another bite. Sam tells my mother all about his new finance position. He explains what the out-of-state conference that he’s attending next month is and makes sure to flaunt just how much he is getting paid just for that trip, which, by the way, is an obnoxious amount.

I pace myself with my food, not wanting to finish my plate too soon out of fear of having to talk, but not wanting to eat too slowly for fear of someone noticing and asking me why. It’s things like this that I’ve gotten good at, things most people wouldn’t ever pay attention to.

As we put our shoes back on to leave, I hug my mom and wave a hand back at her from the front steps.

“Well, Sam, if I don’t see you before you leave for work, good luck!” she yells from her place at the front door.

“Thank you!” he replies before hopping in the driver’s seat of his car. The engine fires up with a low hum and we both click our seatbelts in place. The headlights illuminate the dense fog that has accumulated in the cool night air.

My mom’s figure disappears as the front door shuts. “One sec,” I say, getting out of the car again. I run up the sidewalk, grab the wreath off the door, and toss it into the black garbage bin by the garage. As much as I struggle to get along with my mom, I’m not quite ready for a call from the fire department, or a funeral home for that matter.

Sam watches me get back into the car with a sweet smile and waits for my seatbelt to click back into place. “That went well.”

I raise an eyebrow and turn to look at him. “Well? I think semi-okay is a better word for it. She’s obsessed with money, even when it isn’t hers to take.”

“I know, but I think it could have gone a lot worse. Plus, can you blame her? She was supposed to get your dad's life insurance and suddenly didn’t. I think that would make anyone mad.” He doesn’t take his eyes off the road as he speaks.

“Can you blamehim?They were about to get a divorce. They didn’t love each other anymore. It’s not like he planned on dying so soon.” Tears start to well up in my eyes.

He sighs. “I know.” Is that a hint of defeat I hear in his voice?

The rest of the drive home is silent. Thankfully, I think Sam picked up on my mood and realized that talking would only make me feel worse. With the windows down, the cool air and wind fill the void. The sound of the tires on the pavement allows my brain to tune out as I watch the trees pass one by one. He holds my hand in his, a rare calming presence.

It’s the sweet moments like this and the conversations that don’t end in fighting that make me feel crazy. They make me feel like this is a normal relationship, like maybe I’m overreacting to everything. He's capable of being a loving boyfriend, but sometimes, I wonder if he’s forgotten how. Or maybe he doesn’t want this anymore but doesn’t have a way out either. And then I remind myself that it hasn’t always been like this and he’s capable of choosing, as am I, which is why I choose to be as compliant as possible. I chose the easier path. Maybe that makes me a coward, but I don’t know that I have the capacity to choose otherwise.

Sometimes, I try to imagine if my dad would have liked Sam. I don’t think he’d be as clueless as my mom is at this point. I haven’t really given her a chance to know the truth, though, either, but I wish I didn’t have to. I think he would have liked him in the beginning. Hell, everyone did, even Meredith. But it turns out, even she picked up on the truth. Because she hates him now.

When we get home, the soft bed calls my name as I slip under the covers and drift off to sleep.

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