Page 94 of Pyg

Alice raised her eyebrows. “Sam’s not an ex?”

“No, she is. It’s just… complicated.”

“Tell me you’ve got a husband and five kids, but you’re battling with latent lesbianism, and we havecomplicated. But otherwise…”

Ash winced. “You’re not too far from the truth.”

What the —Alice’s face must have said what she was thinking as Ash quickly filled in the gaps. “No, not me. Sam. I only told you half the story. Shedidmove to Edinburgh, but it wasn’t for a job… she had a different offer she couldn’t refuse. Her family found her a good match.”

Ash’s accent took on an Indian lilt as she said, “A very nice boy, from the right caste.” Her brown eyes found Alice’s, the hurt visible behind them. Ash looked away.

“So, yeah. She’s married now.”

“Oh, Ash.” Alice touched her arm, but she wanted to pull her into a hug and squeeze away her sadness.

“It almost broke me at the time. She was my everything, you know?”

Alice nodded.

“She just chucked us away, like we never really mattered. I knew she wanted a family. I’d have liked to have given her that one day, but she said she wanted to do it properly, in the right way… as God intended it.”

“Ouch.”

Ash inhaled, her knuckles going white as she gripped the railing.

“But that’s her, not you. You’re not complicated.”

“I am, because I’ve been hurt. I couldn’t go through that again. And I’ve had to distance myself from my family, as they want all that for me too. You know, husband, kids —in the right way.It’s a lot of pressure and I don’t think they’ll accept anything else.”

“So, it’s either lose yourself, or lose them, potentially?”

“Yep, that pretty much sums it up.”

“Shit, so you’re seriously thinking of going along with that?”

“Oh, hell no! I’m not like Sam. I couldn’t live a lie, well, not completely — I do have a beard for family gatherings, but that’s just to make my life easier.”

“You’re not out to your family at all?”

“Sort of — My brother knows and some of my cousins, they’re cool with it. My mum hopes it’s just a phase.” Ash widened her eyes. “She said she’d die of shame if anyone else knew… hence, the beard. I spare everyone’s blushes and the only grief I get is about why I haven’t married him yet.”

After a moment, Ash turned to her and something other than sadness flickered behind those dark brown eyes.

“I don’t really like talking about it, but I wanted to be honest with you and tell you the whole story.”

“Why?”

“Because you asked.” Ash’s gaze dropped to Alice’s mouth. “And because I?—”

The doors rattled open behind them, and two nurses appeared, lighters sparking under cupped hands before they’d even made it outside.

“What a pile of shite that we’re working on such a gorgeous day. As soon as I get a day off, it’s nothing but feckin’ drizzle,” said the younger nurse with a thick Irish accent.

“It’s not like your skin can take the sun. Surely, you’d just turn into one giant freckle?”

“Now, Eileen, that’s what you call an Irish tan.”

Eileen laughed through a smoker’s cough before eyeing Alice and Ash. “Sorry ladies, we’re not interrupting anything, are we?”

---