Page 175 of Valkyrie Unknown

Then again, most of what was going on in my head was what I would’ve calledunnaturalnot that long ago. I was betrayed by a god, locked in a house by a siren, and fought an imaginary battle that left very real scars. Using fireballs.

Every time I rolled over those thoughts, I wanted to laugh at the madness of it. The magic I’d used bothered me, but Finn’s lies hurt more.

He saved me. He almost killed Azzie.

If he were here, would he have answers about what happened to me in there? About what I’d done in the fight and why? About what I’d seen?

Those weren’t good enough reasons to forgive what he did, but knowing that hadn’t stopped me from looping on the thought circle for the last few weeks. The reality of the situationwasenough to keep me away from Azzie. As strong as the pull was, I needed to process on my own.

I’d tried reproducing what I did in thetest—teleporting… magic… summoning visions of people out of thin air—but hadn’t been able to do any of it. I’d reached out to Tania, but hadn’t been able to get in touch with her.

I even called Astrid.

“Hey, Doomsday, what’s up?”

“Hey, Red. Random question.” I could beat around the bush, but Astrid had a sense of when I was holding back. She always had.

“Sure. Shoot. Not literally.”

I gave a tight laugh. “Cute.” This would sound weak, but if I hesitated, it would sound even worse. “I heard a new-to-me song the other day, “Siren” by Savatage.” Over the last few months, Davyn had introduced me to a whole new world of metal in music. Mostly because I overheard it and wanted to know what it was. The new band names sent me down a lot of rabbit holes listening to classic songs. “It’s got me wondering, what are sirens like in paganism? Do they test people?” The unusual references in the songs also gave me an excuse to ask Astrid about her religion. She assumed I was just curious. I was also looking for another perspective on a world I knew was real.

“Sirens are really more of a Greek thing,” she said. “And I don’t think that I’d call luring sailors to their death atestso much as… I always thought of that as some sort of vengeance thing on the sirens’ part.”

“As indown with the patriarchy?”

“Don’t know. Maybe.” Astrid sounded thoughtful.

“Then you don’t know if their songs were ever about real events? Possibilities?”

Astrid clucked. “I don’t have a clue. You draw some interesting conclusions sometimes, Doomsday.”

She had no idea.

“Are you all right?” She prodded.

This was where it was time for me to end the call. Before she dug too much. Before I gave the wrong things away. “Sometimes I’m afraid I’m losing my mind.” That was the last thing I wanted to tell a therapist.

“I know very few people as in control of their sanity as you are.” Astrid was kind. “And if it helps you feel any better, nut jobs don’t tend to question their sanity.”

A short chuckle escaped my throat. “Nut job. Is that your professional terminology?”

“Sure. Let’s say yes.”

I needed to end the call. “I still worry.”

“Fear—worry—doesn’t make you wrong, it makes you smart. As long as you don’t let it rule your life, fear keeps you safe,” she said.

Right. “Thanks. I should go.”

“Zeke.” She rarely used my real name, and it made me pause. “Diego wants to know when we’ll see you again. I want to know too.”

“I’m not sure.”

“You promised you wouldn’t hide away again.”

I withdrew from the world when Mom died. All the way up until Finn found me.

Now I was thinking about Finn again.Fuck. “I’m not. I promise. Talk soon.” I hung up before she could say anything else.

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