Page 48 of Duke for the Summer

“Don’t.” The rawness in his voice made Nate look up. Jacopo’s eyes were glittering, his brow creased as if in pain. “I can’t stay, Nate. There’s something–”

“What? What’s so bad that you won’t even try? Is it me? I get it, if you don’t–”

“It isn’t you. I would love–” he reached out as if to touch Nate’s knee, then pulled his hand away, clenching it into a fist. “I’m not right for you.”

“Bullshit.” Nate wiped his eyes so hard that it hurt. He couldn’t breathe. “Try again.”

“You’ll hate me,” Jacopo said.

“I won’t. Why would I ever hate you?” Unease snaked through Nate’s belly, and for a second he thought about running away. His limbs felt fuzzy, frantic, like they weren’t quite his own. He had a feeling that something was going to happen that he couldn’t take back, that he was about to trip over a ledge and that it was too late to catch himself.

“Please.” Jacopo’s voice was thick. “Let’s not ruin this. We don’t have much time left. Can we just–”

“No.” Nate crossed his arms, hoping Jacopo couldn’t see how he was trembling. “I’m not letting you go without knowing why.”

Jacopo chewed his lip. “I made a mistake, years ago,”he said finally. He tipped his head back, looking at the ceiling. “With my friend from university. Lucia. I–I was so confused, and I’d just learned about Papà’s accident, and I–we–” he cursed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I have a daughter. I’ve never met her.”

Nate felt like a stack of plates that had been dropped on the floor. Somewhere far away, Jacopo was still talking.

“I only found out a few years ago. I wish–I wish I could tell you something different, but that’s the truth, Nate. I wanted to leave, to go find her, but I–I’m a coward, and I couldn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” he heard himself say. “What the fuck?”

God, Nate really must be stupid. He’d thought he was the only one Jacopo had ever slept with, thought he was special, but it turned out that he was just the only man Jacopo had ever slept with, fuckingsemantics, and somewhere out there was a little girl who had never met her dad–

Jacopo shook his head. “I knew you’d hate me.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Like I said, I’m a coward.” Jacopo wouldn’t look at him. He took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, tapping it against his palm.

“Can you fuckingstopwith that.” Nate grabbed the box out of his hands, crushing it in his fist. It felt good to crush something. He flung it down the stairs.

Jacopo said nothing, just kept looking at him. Nate turned away.

“You said you’ve known about this for years?”

“Three years. I hoped once you took ownership of the castle, I could–” he shook his head. “I don’t know. Things got so complicated. I’m sorry, Nate. I’m so sorry.”

“No.” Nate ran a hand over his face. His ears were ringing, a sour brew sloshing around in his stomach. He hiccuped again, and it tasted like grappa, and bile. He almost thought he wouldstart laughing; that was how stupid this all was. Hiccupping in a stairwell with his shirt off and hickeys all over his chest, and Jacopo was staring at him like his entire world was falling apart, as if he had any right to look that sad, after lying to Nate for three months. And somehow, in spite of the lying, in spite of the whole illegitimate child thing, Nate was still–what, in love with him? Christ, the Schafer taste in men had definitely struck again.

“No, I’m the one who’s sorry,” he said. “I don’t think I can deal with this right now.”

“Yes.” Nate heard the scuff of Jacopo’s shoes as he stood up. “I understand.” And then his steps were fading away as he went back down the stairs, and outside.

Nate’s earbuds had fallen out of his pocket, two discarded shells on the marble. A low whine of music trickled up from them. He hadn’t even remembered to shut off his phone.

Well, fuck it. Fuck this, fuck the world, fuck everything. He crammed them back into his ears and started up the stairs again.

*

Thea:It’s all happeninggggggggggg

Thea: [a gif of Britney Spears]

Thea:Ya better duke, bitch

Seriously tho, how does it feel to be official?

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