Page 137 of Unspoken Truths

I live for her happiness, even when mine feels a little out of reach. There are moments where I feel it, but my brain enjoys lying to me, so it never seems to last.

“I’ll make a snack first, then we’ll get in the water. It’s really just about trusting the water to hold you up in a pool. Later, the way your arms move and your legs kick will command the water to get the fuck out of your way so you can get from one point to the other,” she says. “It doesn’t have to be pretty initially, baby.”

“I just need to be able to do it,” I sigh. “I know having my hands tied didn’t do me any favors, but I can’t imagine that I’d be here at all if Jared decided to tie my arms behind my back.”

“He is a swimmer, Rachelle. Jared should have known better than to have tied you in any way that would have kept you from properly swimming,” she growls. “I’m so fucking disappointed in them all. Especially Ignacio.”

The thought of him makes my chest hurt. Sometimes, there were moments where he seemed nice and protective, but they were lies. The things he said to me, wrote on my body, none of those are things you do to someone you care about.

Our rental is adorable, a little house with a pool, lots of plants, and a swing in the backyard. I love everything about it. My stepfather did an amazing job choosing it. Lili opens the front door while I walk through the house to change.

It’s going to take me a second to get in the mindset to bare my skin as well.

“Rachelle, I think we should try baby oil on your skin next after the pool,” Lili calls after me.

“I’m going to need more context, baby,” I say, a laugh finally bubbling out.

“It’s supposed to help with the permanent marker,” she says, laughing with me. “First of all, baby oil is absolutely not lube!”

Shaking my head, I pull my shirt over my head, sighing as I look at how one quarter of my skin is still covered in permanent marker. Lili has tried rubbing alcohol, makeup remover, and acetone in the last week. While it’s helped, the evidence of our time in the woods is still prominent on my skin.

I’d like to wear something pretty to go out to dinner with her, but instead I’ve been making excuses to stay in and cook with her. We’ve hit up some cool summer festivals too, which has all been fun.

I’m not comfortable wearing something outside of here that shows off the nasty shit written on my skin. It would bring too much attention and pity. I don’t want that.

Toeing off my shoes, pulling down my leggings, I can’t help but hiss at the words I reveal.

They’re not true. They don’t know you.

Over and over, I say the mantra in my head as I undress, though my fingers move over my hip where the word “weak” was written before. Thankfully, Lili was able to get that off yesterday. I’m reclaiming my body. It’s mine, the words other people put on me don’t define me.

Even if they are difficult to look at.

Taking a breath, I stand in front of the mirror, gazing at my cute, short hair in a bright scrunchie, to my skin with its patchwork marker art. I gaze at it for as long as I can stand before turning away, only to find Lili at the door watching me.

“You’re beautiful,” she says, making me blink my eyes rapidly.

“I was trying really hard not to cry,” I whisper.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry with the truth,” she says, smiling gently at me as I grab my bathing suit.

“I know, I just really hate that this is still on here,” I mutter.

Pulling off her clothes to put on her own suit, she shrugs.

“They’re ugly words on a beautiful body that belongs to a person with a gorgeous soul,” Lili emphasizes.

Moving to the mirror, she fixes her boobs in her top, making me smirk. She’s the beautiful one, fierce too.

“Let’s eat and then make that swimming pool our bitch,” she says, smirking.

Every small success is still a success.

“Let’s,” I agree, walking out of the room.

I’m not a victim just because bad things have happened to me.

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