Page 75 of Unspoken Truths

“If anyone is a whore, it’s those boys,” Lili says. “Only they use sex as a weapon. I think I was wrong to suggest that we do the same. There’s nothing wrong with you, they just don’t have a clue when things go too far. What happened after that?”

Lili pulls out her knife, flipping it as she walks, and I notice it’s an angry twitch. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m the only reason she’s not returning to stab one of them.

“Ignacio pinned me in his arms and started to expose me to Theo. It’s like they all just decided to come up there,” I mutter.

“Or Elijah told them,” she sighs. “Tell me the rest.”

I explain the way the guys were teasing me, what they were saying, and what made me finally lose my cool.

“Ignacio is a dumb ass,” Lili mutters, unlocking the car. “I was really careful to make sure that fingers penetrating you wouldn’t trigger you, but he obviously did.”

“I couldn’t see him, so I started seeing Colton instead,” I explain, opening the door. The quiet whoosh as it lifts up settles me, knowing I’m getting the heck out of here.

“Are you sure I can’t go back in and cut off his dick?” Liliana asks as I get into the car. She’s settled in the driver seat, her knife back in its place, but I know she’d go back inside if I gave the word.

“I really want ice cream and to go to bed,” I tell her, closing the door as I pull on my seatbelt.

“That I can do. I’m officially calling this experiment a bust,” she says, turning on the car. “There has to be another way to get the guys to back off.”

As she maneuvers through the crowded driveway, all I can think about is the way Ignacio froze, as if he couldn’t figure out what he did wrong. Wrapping my arms around my body, I close my eyes, wincing as my panties chafe against me. I didn’t have time to fix them and it’s surprisingly uncomfortable.

I’ll be happy to close the door on tonight and never relive it. I don’t think parties are for me.

* * *

I textedBarrett when I got home on Sunday, asking him to schedule me in. I didn’t sleep well with Lili last night, and the nightmares crawled through my dreamscape, making me decide to stare at the wall for hours after I woke up with a swallowed scream for the second time.

Now I’m sitting in my room in a hooded sweatshirt and yoga pants with my door locked, waiting for Barrett to text me back. God, I hate depending on people. I really shouldn’t be this attached to my therapist.

A knock on the door makes me flinch, and I swallow hard before answering, knowing my voice is probably going to crack.

“Yes?” I call out, wincing as my voice sounds strained.

“It’s Emil. I just wanted to tell you that Barrett called me to confirm your appointment in an hour. I may have yelled at him and said that if you reached out for an appointment then it was up to him to confirm with you,” he growls, sounding pissed off.

“I’ve only been waiting three hours for a response,” I sigh.

“Three? Are you fucking kidding me?” Emil asks. “He doesn’t have that many clients. Would you like me to fire them all so he is at your beck and call?”

The idea is so preposterous, I find myself smiling. It’s the first time I’ve smiled all day, and I silently thank my stepfather. I’m on the struggle bus today. I can’t even read because nothing is holding my attention. My e-reader is full of smut, and my mind is still triggered, nothing feels safe.

I think Lili is rubbing off on me, because I’m cursing at the Kings in my head today. It’s not that I never curse, it just isn’t something I do easily, until now.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, but thank you,” I say, humor in my voice.

“You let me know if you change your mind. Have you eaten today?” he asks.

The concern in his voice makes my lip begin to quiver and I shake my head. “No,” I say, sniffing. God, the mood swings are enough to give me whip lash today. “I’m not hungry, thank you.”

“Rachelle,” he groans, hitting his head on the door. “Your mom is stress eating for the both of you right now. We’re worried. Did something happen with Lili?”

“Nope, she’s perfect,” I tell him. “I’m just having a weird day. I didn’t sleep well, and some awful stuff is coming up for me. It’s really just me.”

I’m the problem.Well, not just me, but my reaction to things that shouldn’t be triggering. If I were a normal girl, I may have been able to relax and let go last night, but I’m not and never will be. My scars find a way to show the outside world how fucked up I am.

“Okay,” Emil mutters. “Will you try to eat later, please?”

I doubt I’ll be able to after the conversation I’m going to have with Barrett…

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